No Good Way

I tried to think of a fancy way or a nice story to tell this but there really isn’t one. We had an ultrasound on Tuesday and the baby is measuring small for his gestational age, particularly in the abdomen, which is how they diagnose IUGR. (Intra Uterine Growth Restriction). I have to go in for twice weekly non stress tests to make sure everything is ok and our first one is today, so we won’t know more until later on today. If Thor (our nickname for the baby) responds appropriately and doesn’t appear to be in distress I would imagine they’ll want to leave him in there so he can try to fatten up – but they did say that it wasn’t likely he’ll gain much at this point. I’m small and I was small at birth so that could be the reason – maybe he is just a small baby. At this point they think he is about five pounds, but that is give or take 13 ounces either way.

If Thor fails the non stress test either I will start on steroids or they will deliver the baby if they think it’s better for him to just come on out now.

Like I said right now we don’t know much. I spent much of yesterday freaking out and blaming myself and crying and calling my mom but now I’m feeling better. After all everything else on the ultrasound was fine and Thor is still moving around and all that. I’m frantically cleaning my house in case we’re about to have a new baby around here – and the dryer is fixed, thank god. I don’t have all the stuff I need for my hospital bag and we don’t have any diapers but at this point I don’t care, I just want my boy to be ok. That’s really all I care about. That and a clean toilet.

Like I said I am doing ok most of the time. I am used to having horrible valentines days (aren’t we all?). We skipped our last childbirth class because I just wasn’t up to it and I watched American Idol with Mr. E and some heart shaped Junior Mints and I felt better. Of course everyone tells me things will be fine and this is very normal and this happens all the time and to relax and not stress and don’t be nervous and don’t be scared but really unfortunately it is not something I can just turn off.

This might sound stupid but I finally just covered up the ultrasound pictures that we got on Tuesday of Thor and his little face and that I had put on the refrigerator. I just couldn’t look at my little baby and his tiny chubby baby face and think that there was something wrong with him and not break down so I just covered up the pictures and now I feel much better.

Will let you all know what we hear from the doctor today.
Send good thoughts.

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One Response

  1. I will cross my fingers and toes and eyes for you, even though I will look rather silly and won’t be able to walk straight.

    I think it’s the worst when there is a situation that you have no control over. I always want to fix a problem, but sometimes you just have to wait it out.

    Also, they have heart shaped Junior Mints? For reals? (That was my pitiful attempt at distracting you.)

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