Just Another Manic Monday

Sometimes I bail on blogging because I have nothing to say, other times, like now, I think of all of this fascinating stuff (hey, it’s all relative, right?) I want to write about all day long and when I sit down in front of the computer at the end of the day, it overwhelms me.

Things like:

Holy carp! Did I just invite the entire internet to my house?  I think I kind of did! Which is totally fine because all I have to do in the next four months is to completely remodel my house from top to bottom and buy some extra towels.

I have my first tomato!  I am mired in irritation that the Inaugural Tomato is on one of the Home Depot My Evil Dog Killed My Seedlings Replacement Plants and not on one of the plants that I! grew! from! seed! but I am trying to let it go.

Yesterday I was swinging on the hammock in my back yard and it collapsed under me! How rude.  And also shocking.  Please be warned that there’s a killer hammock loose in Sacramento.

My sister in laws wedding programs – I am making them.  They were, shall we say, labor intensive?  But I am NOT allowed to complain about them, by decree of my own self, because I volunteered to make them and I conceptualized the labor intensive design and also my sister in law puts the fab in fabulous and I’d make her 400 programs, but I will just note that they took a wicked long time to do.  But now please vote, A or B, because none of us can decide on bow versus no bow.  Internet, the fate of Sarah’s programs lies in your hands, also please do not crash her wedding, stalkerish types.

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Opinions, please, as long as those opinions are not “You are insane” or “How did you spend that long on those programs those suck.”

Did you know for Mother’s Day I got a new garage roof?  Funny.  Only not.  We HAD to replace the roof because the house insurance people told us to LAST Junethat they wouldn’t insure it and to replace it within a year and time was running out and then we wouldn’t have house insurance and apparently that’s illegal and blah blah blah boring legal jargon.  Anyhoo, Mr. E put the roof on himself and he started it the Saturday before Mother’s Day which meant that I drowned my sorrows over having to do MORE parenting than usual on Mother’s Day in mint chip ice cream cake but I can’t be mad because holy wah, the man roofed a garage, people! Look at the before and after!? I am in awe.

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I am going to do a password protected post shortly, so if you see the post go up and you want the password, email me, but if you are related to me or know me in real life you aren’t getting it, sorry. Also, it’s going to be fascinating. No, seriously, it’s just should I wear outfit A or B to the wedding and I feel like a dork putting up clothes I am going to wear to a wedding for people to see who will be at the wedding, and Maggie suggested the old P3 and so that’s what I shall do.

The other day I was so hot and so tired and so sick of doing laundry and loading the dishwasher that when I opened the cabinet and a Nalgene fell out of it and bounced on the counter and narrowly missed my head I grabbed it and threw it in the backyard.  Does this mean my meds aren’t working?  Who can say.  I am taking a wait and see approach.

I cleaned the garage out, the other day, and now everything is shoved under tables or below the work bench that runs a long one side, all sealed into large Rubbermaid bins – and then we’ve got all the heavy bulky awkward baby crap wedged on top of the bins – stuff like swings and gates and walkers.  I haven’t needed anything out of those bins in the better part of a year and then of course as soon I got everything really wedged in there, I’ve had to dig in the bins about seven hundred times in the past week.  Last night I was rooting through one looking for a black dress I thought maybe I could wear to the rehearsal dinner and I was sort of embarrassed at the amount of little baby girl clothing I own.  Especially considering how many little baby girls I have. (Hint: None).  It’s just things I found at garage sales or thrift stores or in Mexico that I couldn’t pass up, stuff I bought for my nieces or baby Elena and then couldn’t let go.

And then the other day I had the music from the Nutcracker in my head, and it reminded me of how much I want a little six year old girl to take to the ballet every Christmas.  I am sure Elena’s mom’s would let me borrow her, and I know that if I never have a daughter, they’ll let me steal her, a lot, and she can be my really really spoiled fake daughter, but oh, it’s not the same.  I really really really want to have a girl.

And also the black dress looked horrible.  So I obviously need to stay out of the garage and also to quit buying pink smocked dresses.

I have the worst craving for beets lately.  I blame Kristie, who claims not to like them.  This gets me started on a long litany of delicious beet dishes (well, two.  Salad and borscht).

I feel like sort of an a hole for bringing this up and I almost didn’t but it’s festering in the back of my mind so there it is.  The other day I read a blog post by someone who is struggling with infertility and she said that she couldn’t understand complaining about your children, that “whining about a miracle” was something she couldn’t comprehen. And it just stuck with me, because lord knows I am not one to make any kind of judgment about the struggles of infertility, I haven’t been through them.  But then I expect the same courtesy of you, I really do.  I get to whine about my experiences because you get to whine about yours.  Everything else aside.

But mostly, and here is my real point.   I don’t believe that children are miracles, and I believe it does all of us a disservice to classify them as such.  They are not little angels sent here to make you feel something about god or yourself or the truth about forever.  They are human beings, just like you and me, with all the inherent flaws that make humanity so complicated and difficult and wonderful, all at the same time.  Children are not a moral lesson.  They are people.  And sometimes they make you want to throw Nalgenes in the yard, and sometimes they make you laugh so hard you cry, and sometimes you want to talk about all of this complex and confusing business called being a mom, and call it what you will, I’ve been whining about my miracle since 2006 and I shall continue to do at every available opportunity.

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39 Responses

  1. Dude, that is a long post and I have lots to say about it!
    First, sister-in-law wedding programs. I think they are gorgeous and will be fab whichever design you choose. If it were MY wedding, I would pick the ones without the bow, but that’s just me.
    Holy Whoa! I am SO IMPRESSED with Mr. E reroofing the garage. It looks awesome!
    Re:Infertility struggles, whining about. I totally agree with you. The point of having a blog is to talk about your life. That means rejoicing, complaining, asking questions, telling stories. Each of us has our own unique story and WE GET TO TELL IT. As Swistle says, “I acknowledge my luckiness without giving up my claim to the suckiness.” And you are completely right about children. They are people and they can be just as infuriating as the adults we deal with on a daily basis.

  2. Those programs are cute!

    Also, my brother and SIL got married in the UP of Michigan too! They were married in Escanaba or Gladstone, which is not too far from Marquette. Small world!

  3. I think you might be one of my new favorite bloggers :)

    LOVE this part of your post especially “But then I expect the same courtesy of you, I really do. I get to whine about my experiences because you get to whine about yours.” LOVE it. Thanks.

    I vote for option B for the programs.

  4. I vote program 1. You just don’t get enough opportunities in life to use bows, is my opinion. Bows = wedding. The end.

    People who get mad about people who complain are my newest pet peeve. I mean, so she’s infertile and gets mad about complaints about children? Would I feel the same way if she had a dishwasher and complained about unloading it when I don’t have one at all? I mean, not exactly the same thing, but same CONCEPT, you know? Everyone has something they could complain about that someone else would love to be able to complain about. And that’s why the world is as it is and we are all beautiful unique snowflakes.

  5. I vote for the program without the bows. I had bows on my wedding programs & some got a little squished in the baskets before they were all given out & I didn’t like that one bit.

    Also, thanks for making me feel OK about whining about my little miracle every once in a while. I mean, could he sleep through the night already?

  6. I like the bows. They fancy it up.

    I really hope you didn’t throw that “Since 2006″ thing in there because you couldn’t figure out how to give yourself a tagline. We can figure it out TOGETHER!

  7. i love random posts!

    for the wedding programs, i was leaning towards option B, except that i thought it was just a little TOO plain. but then i read emily’s comment above about there not being enough opportunities in life to use bows, and i have to agree. so…go with the bows.

    the garage roof looks super awesome! go Mr. A!

    and about the whining about stuff? that woman doesn’t get that your problems are just as important to you as her problems are to her. it’s all relative, really. i mean, if we were grading everything on a global scale then yes of course world hunger trumps your miracle making a mess in the kitchen, but that’s just not how it works.

    oh and also, the beets?? just…yuck. cannot. do. beets.

  8. I like no bows. I’m imagining the basket full of programs all overflowing and hard to manage on account of the bows. Also no bows might be better for scrapbooking if they are into that. They are both great looking though! Great roof as well. You must love catching a glimpse of that while you are out back throwing Nalgene bottles eh? ;-)

  9. BOW!
    I will bring a towel to your house. :)
    Also? I would have thrown the Nalgene IN THE HOUSE so you’re doing FINE.

  10. I dig the bows. Nice work!

    I love to complain. I think it’s healthy. Otherwise, there would be more random crap thrown about the back yard. :)

  11. I’d go with no bow, but the other side looks kind of naked without it there. I like both, and I’m not a bow person. So basically, I’m no help whatsoever!

  12. I say no bow. Do you know what kind of a pain in the neck it’s going to be to make 400 some bows… and not just any old bows, but bows that are EXACTLY the same?? Oye. Not me. Definitely no bows.

    Go Mr. E and his roofing skizzills!! That’s so great.

    And as far as miracles go? I’d feel free to complain as much as I felt like about my little miracle :-) I do try to be sensitive about it around people I know are trying, but you also have to be careful gloating too much about the awesomeness about your kid around fertility struggling couples as well. What can you do…..

    Can’t wait to see what you want to wear to the wedding!!

  13. Ooooh, the bow! I love the bow.

    If I was having a wedding I would totally want you to design my invitations. Although, is the wedding really in eleven days? Crazy.

    Also, it’s totally in the wrong part of Michigan. You have to come back to THIS part of Michigan so we can meet!

  14. I see I kind of stand alone here, but I say no bows. I also say both looks are fantastic but I think the “no bow” looks just as nice and will use less ribbon (cheaper) and will be less stressful (have to make the bows perfect OMG), you know?

    I think I can sorta, kinda speak on the subject of infertility as can so many women and men who go on to have children. Although it’s impossible to keep that in mind when you’re in the thick of it, I KNOW, it’s just fact that many, many couples who face infertility will go on to have children in some capacity. Perhaps not in the manner they sort of dreamed about, but they will bring home a child one day, somehow. And when they do, they will face the same difficulties all parents face (um, for instance, my child is SCREAMING in the other room like I’m ripping his legs off [I'm not], and I’m kind of over him today). When I sat in that same room and prayed we’d have a child, I knew it wouldn’t be all sunshine and roses just like I hope the parents in the middle of infertility know. Parenthood is hard no matter how you come of it. People who become pregnant without intention or those who try for years (and all those in between). Every parent will face the tantrums and sleepless nights and sick days and so on and so on and nowhere does it say that because one’s journey is longer than another, they get the right to complain and no one else does. It doesn’t matter how any of us got here, we’re here and we make it through however best we can, sometimes with a little venting, sometimes with a stiff drink after the “miracles” have gone to bed. You get through however you can and you do the best job you can. And that goes for all parents, not just those who had a harder time bringing home their baby.

  15. 1)no bow and they look really cool
    2)I know you IRL and if I don’t get the password, I am going to whine

    which brings me to

    3)I think that babies are BOTH miracles AND something you get to whine about. their inherent miracleness doesn’t mean that they aren’t also born into this world little machines of manipulation (that is how they get their food/clothing/body needs met! it is what it is) cute as they are and some of them never really get over all of that so much.

  16. Dear last paragraph,

    I LOVE YOU.

  17. Re: the falling Nalgene hurled into the backyard – if there’s one thing that can make me enraged in short order, it’s having something fall out of the cupboard. Makes me livid.

    Also, I like the bow, and I also like the look without it…

    Re: miracles – my 5-yr-old told me yesterday, in all sincerity, he liked me but he didn’t really love me all that much!

  18. Holy cow! You and Mr. E are a very talented couple.

    I think the one without the bow is my favorite. And they’d be easier to stack.. Ms Practical says.

    I don’t think that throwing the nalgene bottle out the window is a sign of a medication problem. I’ve done the exact same thing and I don’t take anything stronger than a multivitamin.

  19. I vote no bow. And I think this post rocks, especially the part about children. I remember days that just sucked from beginning to end. Days I disliked everything about being a mom and venting to someone who responed “but you wanted this” as if I didn’t have the right to not like every second of it or complain about it. I knew this person would change their mind when they had a child, but it hurt.

  20. I vote bow! (I didn’t look at the other comments, so I’m not influenced by what anyone else said!)

  21. I vote no bow. It looks neater without, plus are you going to have to stack them? Bows will complicate your life.

    I found myself googling for vintage polly flinders smocked dresses the other day. The girl stuff, it is powerfully attractive.

  22. I like the bow, but they both look nice.

    I agree with the “not miracles” but also don’t. The whole concept of conception is miracle enough for me – but I totally think you get to whine about them. I wanted to marry my husband more than anything I’ve ever wanted in the world (including children), but I still feel the need to complain when he misses the toilet bowl or leaves socks all over the house. It doesn’t mean I don’t love him, or I regret marrying him.

  23. 1.) Use the bow, it’s cute!

    2.) I can bring a towel.

    3.) Beets are the yuck until proven otherwise.

    4.) The roof? Fucking awesome. Do you rent your husband out? I’ll learn to make gluten free stuff to send back with him.

    5.) I’ll bring two towels if you need me to!

  24. I like the bow.

    Also, your last two paragraphs made my heart pound with love for you.

  25. Bows!

    What are blogs for if not to vent and be scatterbrained? This post is a lovely example of that!

  26. I vote for bows. (I, by the way, made my own wedding invitations, and I sympathize entirely. It seemed like a good idea at the time, then by the end I was seriously regretting not eloping.)

    I’m infertile and think you’re completely in the right. I think there comes a point with infertile women where everything — and I mean everything — hinges on having a baby. How can it not, when the treatments mean you live your life one basal temperature reading at a time? Even formerly balanced, sane people wind up in a bad place eventually. Trying to conceive when your body doesn’t want to is an unbelievably destructive process. When I found those feelings popping up in my brain — when I started to think that when a baby came, *then* I’d be happy — I knocked off the treatments immediately and haven’t gone back yet. Once you see a kid as the thing that will finally give you meaning and purpose and love and rainbow ponies, you’re probably no longer emotionally fit to parent.

    Which is a long winded way of saying I agree with you. So… yay you.

    Also I like the new roof.

  27. No bow. Sleeker, easier, more crumple-proof.
    I. Love. Borscht.
    And, frankly, I love when I don’t have a reason to whine about my kids, but when I DO have a reason, oh baby…
    And way to raise the roof, Mr. E.

  28. P.S. I am going to definitely need a password.

  29. Bow. Or no bow. I’m no help. I’m the most indecisive person EVER. Except about pastries. And shoes.
    Next: nice job on the roof! Glad to know I won’t get leaked on when I sleep there. :)
    Next next: Yes, you did invite us. :) I’ll bring my own towel. Or, I’ll just use your garden hose to rinse off, and ‘air dry’.
    Next-3: I LOVE beets. I love them hot and cold. I wish I could come up with another line so I sounded like Dr. Suess right now, but I can’t. Kristie is crazy (but I love her anyway).
    Next-4: Little girl clothes are precious, so I don’t find it odd AT ALL that you have them packed away for future use.
    Next-5: Stupid hammock. How DARE it??
    Next-6: I got my first tomato this week too! I can’t wait to eat it! It’s alll mine tomorrow at lunch.
    Next-7: Password please. Or I will whine. And you might just hear me all the way across the damn country. I’ve learned from a pro: my girl.

  30. I love your last two paragraphs.

    When my oldest son was in the hospital essentially dying, I promised myself I’d never, ever complain about anything in regards to him if the universe would make him better and I’d just be able to take him home. Well, he got better and he came home and let me tell you what… I complain about him all the time. And he frustrates me, and irritates me, and enrages me just as much as his siblings do. But that’s o. k. Because it’s real.

    Also, I have to go to a wedding in June. I’ve been through two rehearsal dinner dresses already, but I think I’ve finally decided on a dress for the wedding. It’s a formal wedding, at night, so I have to wear a gown. I am feeling slightly intimidated by it all.

  31. um…ok, so i just realized that i’m a total loser. i called your husband Mr. A when i commented yesterday and as i was reading the newer comments today, i realized that it should be Mr. E. and of course i know that. but clearly i was so enamored with the fabulousness of the roof that my brain wasn’t functioning at full capacity. or some such.

  32. A!

    They’re so cute!

    Also, as it turns out, I’m apparently getting hitched now, too–wanna take on the task of being my designer, as well? (I kid, I kid.)

  33. I prefer the bows.
    And I LOVE that you just up and said it: kids do not exactly fit the definition of miracles. It’s reproduction. For most of us, it clicks along, with a few glitches here and there, and eventually we end up with a couple or a dozen babies. And I understand that when your body defies biology and refuses to reproduce on its own and you find a doctor and a drug and a treatment and then you finally DO reproduce, that fact is a miracle. But the kid itself? Still just a person. Not a tiny god or goddess dropped into your life to define and complete you.
    And yeah, I think it’s a disservice to the kids as well as the parents to slap that miracle label on them. That’s a weighty burden, always being reminded what a special!perfect!miracle! you are.
    And btw, I don’t mean this as a slam against people who’ve struggled to be parents. I think people who conceive easily and often are just as likely to get into this “children are tiny angels” idea.
    Sorry for the book of a comment here. I just think it’s a very healthy viewpoint, and one that doesn’t get said often enough.

  34. I think every baby/kid is a miracle. I just think it’s amazing that we can create new people. I mean it would be weirder if we couldn’t, but I still feel like there is some divinity in there somewhere. But I also think that kids are people, and complicated. I tell my kids I’m so glad I had them, and even that sometimes feels to me like I might be burdening them. (Their existence isn’t about me and my needs, you know?) Calling them miracles to their faces would be a lot of pressure.

  35. please can I have a password?

    I whine about my “miracles” all the time.

  36. no bow.

  37. Can I have a password? Also, WHERE ARE YOU? I know you might have a life and everything but I miss when you don’t post!

  38. ditto what april said.

  39. I miss you!! I hope you’re alright!

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