Some more favorite quotes to remember

When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.
-Abraham Lincoln

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It’s all fitting together like pieces in a puzzle

I honestly don’t know how I thought I would get to goal and lose ten more pounds when I haven’t been tracking points at night AT ALL. It’s not so much what you eat at night, but more that everything throughout the day has to tie together and balance each other out. You have to know what you are going to eat for dinner when you decide what you eat for lunch. Why it took me two years to figure this out I’m not sure, but I feel like this is going to be my answer to losing the last bit of weight. Instead of feeling guilty because I stopped counting points at five, I will figure everything out for the whole first thing in the morning, and then just eat that stuff. If I do it right there’s a lot of flexibility, but less random surprises. I always know what I’m having for dinner anyway, since I plan that out a week at a time, so there’s no reason this can’t work.
It’s just…mindboggling, the difference between saying “I’m getting back on track, I’m not eating crap” and actually DOING something to get back on track. And yet, I don’t know that I could have come to this moment any other way. I just had to figure it out on my own. That drives me nuts. What else am I completely missing out there because I’m too dense to get it?

This Week’s Menus

Breakfast

Pumpkin Muffins
Cereal
Oatmeal
Cranberry Orange Muffins

Snacks

Fruit
Vegetables
Luna bars

Lunches

Salads ala Ms. E’s famous checklist
Soup
Cheese/Crackers/Pepperoni
Quiche

Dinners

Smoked Pork Chops, Whipped Sweet Potatoes, Greens
Grilled Chicken Salad and Minestrone
Stir Fry With Sesame Noodles
Spicy Beef and Bok Choy
Italian Wedding Soup with Chicken Meatballs
Mushroom and Chard Ravioli, Squash, and Green Salad
Roasted Chicken, Sauteed Apples, Greens, Rosemary Roasted Red Potatoes

Even in my dreams he’s adorable

I had a dream last night that Mr. E would not stop going to parties. I think in my dream we must have been in college together, in which case the partying would be pretty accurate. Our friend Tim was calling to find Mr. E, and asked “Is Mr. E there?” and no one knew. Then he asked “Well, is there a tall guy there who keeps giggling and rubbing his stomach?” and the person at the party said “Yeah, we’ve got him.” Also, Mr. E was wearing a flannel. I love that my dreams contain accurate fashion references.

Running Schedule 2005-2006

It’s time to set some goals.
I have been wary of getting up early, of paying registration money to run, and of doing short races. I want to push myself, dammit!
But then on a long bike ride yesterday with Mr. E I realized I really do want to run this Frank Lloyd Wright thing, and my mom said she would come and cheer me on, so I’m gonna do it!

Frank Lloyd Wright Run 10 K
October 23, 2005
Chicago
Registration Deadline : October 19th

Beatrice Family YMCA Turkey Trot 5 miles
November 24, 2005
Beatrice, NE
Registration Deadline: November 20th

Holiday Run 5K
December 11th
Lincoln

State Farm Run (Lincoln) 10 Miles
March 2006
Lincoln

Novartis Run 10K
April 2006
Lincoln

Lincoln Half Marathon
May 7, 2006
Lincoln

Science Chafe

Received via email, from Mr. E, in response to an email in which I referred to him as a “dork” (which he is, btw).

I chafe at being referred to as “dork.” I much prefer “Man of Science.”

What would it take to walk away?

There is a not small part of me that is sick to my very bones of thinking about food. Of being hungry. Of being cold. Of wanting to lose weight, and being depressed when I don’t. At this point I feel like if I want to lose these last ten pounds, I’m going to have to be hungry a lot of the time. I’m going to have to work really hard. I’m going to fall asleep thinking about chocolate covered pretzels and wake up thinking about chocolate covered pretzels. I don’t know if it’s possible to lose ten pounds without being in this mind set or not. All I know is that I am not ready to give up, and I don’t know any other way, but I don’t like what’s going on in my head right now. The idea of not trying anymore, the idea of just being happy where I am and just focusing on being healthy takes me breath away with fear. Can that be normal? Can that be right? Is it weird that I hate the struggle so much and yet at the same time I need the struggle even more than I hate it? The fact is that for me to walk away at this point would overturn my entire life and would fuck with my entire belief system. I’d have nothing else to think about. If I didn’t feel hungry, I don’t know what I’d feel anymore.