1. What time did you get up this morning?
2. Diamonds or pearls?
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
4. What is your favorite TV show?
The Redshoe Diaries, on Skinemax.
5. What did you have for breakfast?
Kisses from my schnound.
6. What is your middle name?
“long-dong of the law”
7. What is your favorite cuisine?
8. What foods do you dislike?
Anything in the gourd family, along with selected tubers.
9. Your favorite Potato chip?
Beef Jerkey Chips. Technically, not a potato, but still a chip.
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
Either Beulah: The coast is never clear, or The New Pornographers: Twin Cinema
11. What kind of car do you drive?
A 98 jetta.
12. Favorite sandwich?
knuckle. No, just kidding ha ha I’m funny! a provalone and tomato on rye.
13. What elements in people do you despise?
Lithium, barium, and especially zinc.
14. Favorite item of clothing?
My T-shirt that says “Accordian players squeeze better.” And no, I’m not making that up.
15. Where in the world on vacation would you go?
Iceland, Alaska, New Zealand, Australia, and of course, Funkytown.
16. What color is your bathroom?
The off-white of your typical rental house.
17. Favorite brand of clothing?
18. Where would you want to retire to?
I dunno… but I plan on retiring to the bathroom for quite a while this evening.
19. Favorite time of day?
The Gloaming. That’s “Twilight” for all you ignorami out there.
20. Where were you born?
Escanaba, in the moonlight. Yes, really.
21. Favorite sport to watch?
Hardcore pornography. It is too a sport!!! No, just kidding. How about curling?
22. Who do you least expect to send this back?
all of the above
23. Person you expect to send it back first?
24. What laundry detergent do you use?
I don’t remember such inanities. It’s generic, hypoallergenic, dye and perfume free (gotta save the lil’ swimmers, you know — too much estrogenators are bad for the reproductive system).
25. Coke or Pepsi?
Fresca! No, pepsi.
26. Are you a morning person or night owl?
27. What size shoe do you wear?
It depends. New balance = 13. Reebok = 14. Nike = 15 or higher. And, no, I’m not making that up.
28. Do you own any pets?
Annabelle, my dog. She’s a schnound (Schnauzer-hound) and Gravey the cat. And, of course, my trouser snake.
29. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with everyone?
No. I live in NE. Nothing’s exciting here… except for… no, nothing. sorry.
30. What did you want to be when you were little?
Someone who looks at rocks or studies animals.
31. Favorite Candy Bar?
32. What is your best childhood memory?
One time, my parents spent the whole day with just me. We went out to dinner, they bought me a toy at the toy store, and then when we came home they read me a story before tucking me into bed, where I dreampt of a future full of possibilities and promise.
That, or the time I got my picture taken with Spiderman at the mall.
33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life?
Janitor, park ranger, research assistant, graduate teaching assistant, research scientist, and “Elizabeth’s man-bitch.”
34. What colour underwear are you wearing?
37. Eye colour?
38. Ever been to Africa?
No. But I’ve touched the rains…
39. Ever been toilet papering?
40. Love someone so much it made you cry?
God, I hate this question. What does it even mean. ANd it’s always on these things. Let’s just answer sure. Usually, when I got the restraining order mandating a minimum 1-mile separation between me and my love.
41. Been in a car accident?
Several, but never when I was driving.
42. Croutons or bacon bits?
43. Favourite day of the week?
Sunday, cuz that’s my fun day. Not another have to run day.
44. Favourite restaurant?
45. Favourite flower?
46. Favorite ice cream?
47. Disney or Warner Brothers?
WB — for having such an awesome Tuesday thru Thursday line up of Gilmore Girls, Everwood, and one other show.
48. Favorite fast food restaurant?
McDonalds. “Now with less semen!”
49. What color is your bedroom carpet?
50. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?
51. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail?
Mr. Ugambe Smith, Former assistant to the president of the Peoples republic of the Congo, offering me a chance to help him launder 26 million dollars.
52. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
The Apple Store
53. What do you do most often when you are bored?
When my wife tells me it’s time.
55. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire?
56. Last person you went to dinner with?
Well, two of Elizabeth’s co workers. It was traumatic on numerous levels.
58. What are you listening to right now?
Head like a hole, by NIN
59. What is your favorite colour?
60. Lake, ocean or river?
61. How many tattoos do you have?
62. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Egg, because if you wanna get scientific, dinosaurs laid eggs long before any chickens came into existence. <– yes, but then, it’s parents had to have had sex, so, one of them “came” first. Usually the guy…
63. How many people are you sending this Email to?
64. Time you finished this email?
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