I was working on a long post all about how losing weight and being mini skinny and a diet nazi wasn’t going to get me what I wanted, wasn’t going to make me any happier, how I need to learn to love myself and to accept what I’ve been given and blah blah blah. And then I hurt my ankle and I gained three pounds in a week where I tried so hard not to eat too much that I sat at my desk and STARVED for hours every day and had to press on my stomach so that people didn’t hear my stomach growl and now I just feel hopeless. Like it was all for nothing. Now I just feel like my only choice is to not eat and to be unhealthy and I feel panicky and so afraid. I know that somehow there has to be a choice in between anorexia and marathon running but I’m having a hard time seeing it right now.
In the meantime, I’m hungry and my ankle hurts and honestly, I just want to lie in bed and cry. I can’t explain how I feel. It feels like failure.
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