Worst Mother of the Year Award, Round One

So this morning was fun.

Eli would not eat, sleep, would not stop crying, bit my nipple so hard I screamed involuntarily, smeared oatmeal all over me and him, hacked up baby food lasagna all over me and the floor and my just washed jacket, whined whined whined, struggled to get up, struggled to get back down, wasn’t even interested in the baby tylenol which normally he LOVES, smeared more food everywhere, and WOULD NOT WOULD NOT WOULD NOT WOULD NOT sleep.

I finally threw him in his crib in total desperation, and left him, screaming, intending to just take a shower and let him scream it out, but then when he started the coughing and gagging I knew I couldn’t leave him in there, at least that motherly instinct kicked in, so I picked him up and the coughing stopped and the crying continued. Put him back in his crib. More coughing and gagging.  Finally picked him up and swept his mouth for stray lasagna chunks, maybe? I didn’t think there would be much of anything, really, I didn’t see how there could be.

And there it was, a giant chunk of half chewed pear skin, which had been effectively cutting off his esophagus for god knows how long.

And indeed, seconds after I pulled out that pear skin, he fell asleep in his crib.

The worst part of it is that none of this behavior is typical Eli – he is not normally like this. He was trying to tell me that something was wrong, and I just didn’t listen.

I have never wished so much for him to learn to talk.  And I really hope I get better at this mom thing, maybe with more sleep or more experience or more kids?   And seriously, my nipple may never recover, but I kind of feel like maybe I deserve it.


4 Responses

  1. My nipple hurts for you! (Which is one sentence I never thought I’d say.)

    You are not a bad mother! Your instinct told you not to take a shower. He’s okay and you learned from it. And he’s a happy, adjusted baby so much of the time because of the mom you are.


  2. Don’t go bagging yourself…. you did find out what was wrong with Eli so you did good!

  3. OMG! Pat yourself on the shoulder for thinking to check his mouth! No wonder the poor guy was spreading food everywhere. Trust yourself–you know him better than anyone, and if his behavior is atypical-Eli, you are the one who will know that best.

  4. I don’t know that more kids is the answer. Sometimes I feel like a new momma most of the time. Each baby is different.

    I’m glad he’s ok now, poor momma and baby!

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