The Secret to My Non Success

I am having trouble keeping all the balls in the air. (Balls. hee.)

For example – the loathsome dieting. I mean, I can do it, but it’s a never ending tight rope walk, and it takes everything I have – thrown at it all the time – for it to work. I have to make sure I always eat the right food (protein) and I have to make sure I have lots of fake cheater foods so if I want something salty or something chocolatey I can still have it while minimizing the amount of calories I actually eat. I also have to distract myself with activities at the times I am most likely to want to sit around and eat chocolate chips from the bag. I have to make sure there are no Doritos in the house and I have to make sure that foods I wouldn’t normally be interested in (carrots, grapefruit, brussel sprouts) are cut and ready to go, front and center in the fridge.

I can do all this, but then I don’t have time for cleaning my house.

Or I can write on my blog every day, but then I don’t have time to run.

I can return all my backlogged email and read all your blogs and comment on everything I want to comment on, but then I don’t have time to play with my son or talk to my husband.

I can keep in touch with my family and friends, but then my laundry piles up.

I can touch base with my mom and my sister and make time for two conference calls a week, but then I don’t have time to grocery shop or budget or update my spreadsheets or collect my tax information.

I can clean my house for C@nstruction (don’t even ask) but then I don’t have time to prep salads and healthy crap I won’t eat otherwise.

I can plan my friend’s baby shower and make presents for the nine million babies on the way, but then I don’t have time to work on my Etsy store.

I can take a shower and put on mascara and lip gloss and blow dry my hair and brush my teeth, but then I don’t have time for photography.

I feel like if wasn’t for the running I wouldn’t be so stressed about it, but when running gets added into the mix, because of timing and naps and rain and babies and other snoozeworthy details, I have time for nothing.but.running. And that sucks. Sucks sucks sucks. It makes me really not want to do it.

Right now I am feeling great about the diet. Great. Things are going swimmingly. Grapefruit and I are best friends. And with my husbands help I actually did get some work done on my Etsy store and the shower planning is going well. I played with Eli yesterday and took pictures at the same time. Multitasking! We have had a lot of progress figuring out what to do to help my sister. I took a shower and blow dried my hair and I even got dressed in non yoga related clothing. All almost before noon. And I’m writing. Obviously.

However. I feel shitty about not making myself run and the fact that I haven’t exercised in weeks. I feel guilty that my email is piling up and I’m stressed because people are coming over here on Saturday to build a rocket ship out of cans (uh huh) and my house is not clean. I am not wearing mascara. My toenails are not painted. My bank account may or may not be overdrawn.

I am resisting the urge to say something like ” I am realizing I can’t do it all” because, god, that sounds like a lame lesson to learn.

What I will say is that some of those balls are just going to have stay on the floor for awhile and I am just going to make myself be ok with that, because I can’t really figure out any other way. I need to get my eating on track, I need to help my family with my sister, and I want to start up my Etsy store more than I want a nine minute mile right now.

Maybe I just need to get my priorities straight. After all, my toenails aren’t going to paint themselves.

Freaky

Baby from Labyrinth:

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Eli:

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Message From Above

Have you heard that there are some crazy ladies out there who have decided to not buy anything for 30 days, or 60 days, or even a whole year of 365 days?

I am not that brave, to not buy anything I don’t need for AN ENTIRE YEAR, but I do enjoy reading about it. And reading what they have to say does make me think twice about whether I really really really need those ballet flats and that copy of US Weekly and some more body wash when I already have two bottles of it in the shower.

Actually though since we are on the subject I do kind of have a system in place for not buying everything under the sun. Mr. E and I each get $50 every two weeks to do whatever we want with and in turn this $50 saves our marriage. I don’t have to worry that he is spending our grocery money on his maudlin wailings he is so fond of or various other trappings of his wannabe hipster existence and I also don’t have to worry that he’s going to get pissed off when I buy yet another pair of shoes. And it’s cool because if I want to spend it on J Crew final sale merchandise I am free to do so but it’s also just enough that if I save save save it for a good long while I can buy something kind of cool like a camera or a small goat or something.

I also have a list that I’ve tacked up on my bulletin board over my desk where I write down EVERYTHING I want to buy and then I sit and think on that stuff and most of the time I don’t buy any of it because it turns out that maybe I don’t want a red sign that says “Eat” as much as I thought I did when I wrote it down on the list. Or also I’ve been thinking about some ballet flats for a long long time and last week I almost pulled the trigger but then I thought short + ballet flats could = stumpy and I am glad I delayed that purchase because then the Anthropologie catalog arrived and I have decided that I am going to also NOT BUY ANYTHING along with the other crazies and then in one month I will be able to afford this:

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which I desire with all my heart and which I am for certain regardless of its other qualities will not make me look stumpy. And also it is coated in plastic, which is like Orla Kiely saying just to me, like a message from heaven “Elizabeth, your baby could throw up on this bag or your husband could fling salsa at it or pureed carrots could be projectile sneezed on it or your dog could EVEN PEE ON IT and it could all be wiped right off so really I must insist that you buy this bag I have made just for you.”

And if you don’t hear messages from Orla Kiely when you get your Anthropologie catalog, well, then, you just aren’t listening hard enough.

Undecided

So.

I am never sure if I should talk about politics on my blog. I mean, if you can’t tell from my writing that I am a left wing hippie, you’re not very introspective, but I don’t really get into the meat of things on here, usually. It just seems…untoward. I mean, you think what you think, I think what I think, that’s really the whole basis of my political belief system, so who am I to shove my ideals down your throat? But hell, it’s my blog, right? And damn if it isn’t a good time to be a Democrat and I’ve just got some things on my mind and here’s where those things usually spill out.

Anyway, I simply cannot decide if I should vote for Hillary or Barack on Super Tuesday. I really really really love me some Barack Obama. Really. This might sound stupid, but he means so much to me. Because back in the day when no one believed, when people said the Democrat party was over, when people threw up their hands and ran scared and stupid Howard Dean did his stupid yell and then we got stuck with John Kerry and everyone everywhere was just giving up, Barack Obama BELIEVED. He persisted. When people told him that he could not do it, HE DID IT ANYWAY. And we so so so so needed that in this country. I so admire that about him. It makes me want to write him a thank you note and tell him that when it felt like only I believed in my country and my party and my ideals, and then I realized he believed too, and I watched that belief catch hold of people like fire, well, it meant the world to me. So you would think this would be an easy decision.

And it should be.

Because my reason for voting for Hillary is not as good as all that. And I don’t really agree with her politics as much as I would like to. I don’t know how I feel about her record. I don’t know if I think she can win.

But lately. When I think about Hillary. I hear a voice in my head, and it’s a male voice, and it’s saying “Madam President…”. For the first time in our country ever ever ever and it brings tears to my eyes. It gives me goosebumps. It too makes me believe. And that “Madam President” sounds like pure hope to me.

So I am torn.

On the plus side, what an amazing time to be a left wing hippie liberal.

Record

I’m not sure what the heck happened but man I sure do feel like I’ve gotten some shit under control lately what with the new couch and how we get our internet on the computer now like the rest of the world and also now I’ve got some pyrex and some eye cream and then there was the throwing out of the old makeup and I actually am going to get some new glasses this weekend since the ones I got in 2004 aren’t really cutting it anymore and one of these days I might actually get my drivers license but before even that occurs, lo, the heavens have opened and the gods have smiled down upon us and we are getting DVR today.

In other news, I hate hate hate it when random strangers have to come into my house to do shit like install my DVR. HATE.  Making small talk with some strange cable installer is like my number one nightmare of all time.  Do I offer him a beverage? What if wants to use the bathroom? Ew.  Oh well.  One must pay the price for the great things in life, I suppose.

The irony of finally finally finally getting DVR right when the writers decide to strike and there’s nothing on is not lost on me. But still, tell me what I should um, record, or whatever you call it, with the box and the programming and the remote thingee.  You know what I mean. Here’s my list so far:

Martha since her show is on at ten when I can’t watch it and I do love me some Martha

Friday Night Lights.  LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE always forget to watch it

Project Runway

Battlestar Galactica re runs (they air at 5 am. Out of sequence.  And you can’t get Season Three on DVD till March.  The Sci Fi Network people are idiots.)

Entourage re runs (we just got HBO so I haven’t seen the newest season). And you know I have to watch it for Vince’s outfits alone, which I almost always covet for myself. Also, have a crush on every person on that show.

Pushing Daisies, if they re run it, since I have heard good things.

Weeds re runs

And lastly I heard there is some new show on National Geographic where they show puppies finding homes. Although I do not know the name of it,  I am totally going to DVR the hell out of puppies finding homes.

Anyone else got any favorites I should look out for?

And Also This

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Hey, I Made This

Last weekend, for twins. (Get it, with all the pears?)

Mostly pretty easy, if you have a sewing machine. The balls are the most difficult.

Those square folded up things are flannel backed blankets.

In other news, I need a better bib pattern, because I had to add the ribbons so these would fit.

Please ignore the large Target pillow. I did not make that.

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