I am having trouble keeping all the balls in the air. (Balls. hee.)
For example – the loathsome dieting. I mean, I can do it, but it’s a never ending tight rope walk, and it takes everything I have – thrown at it all the time – for it to work. I have to make sure I always eat the right food (protein) and I have to make sure I have lots of fake cheater foods so if I want something salty or something chocolatey I can still have it while minimizing the amount of calories I actually eat. I also have to distract myself with activities at the times I am most likely to want to sit around and eat chocolate chips from the bag. I have to make sure there are no Doritos in the house and I have to make sure that foods I wouldn’t normally be interested in (carrots, grapefruit, brussel sprouts) are cut and ready to go, front and center in the fridge.
I can do all this, but then I don’t have time for cleaning my house.
Or I can write on my blog every day, but then I don’t have time to run.
I can return all my backlogged email and read all your blogs and comment on everything I want to comment on, but then I don’t have time to play with my son or talk to my husband.
I can keep in touch with my family and friends, but then my laundry piles up.
I can touch base with my mom and my sister and make time for two conference calls a week, but then I don’t have time to grocery shop or budget or update my spreadsheets or collect my tax information.
I can clean my house for C@nstruction (don’t even ask) but then I don’t have time to prep salads and healthy crap I won’t eat otherwise.
I can plan my friend’s baby shower and make presents for the nine million babies on the way, but then I don’t have time to work on my Etsy store.
I can take a shower and put on mascara and lip gloss and blow dry my hair and brush my teeth, but then I don’t have time for photography.
I feel like if wasn’t for the running I wouldn’t be so stressed about it, but when running gets added into the mix, because of timing and naps and rain and babies and other snoozeworthy details, I have time for nothing.but.running. And that sucks. Sucks sucks sucks. It makes me really not want to do it.
Right now I am feeling great about the diet. Great. Things are going swimmingly. Grapefruit and I are best friends. And with my husbands help I actually did get some work done on my Etsy store and the shower planning is going well. I played with Eli yesterday and took pictures at the same time. Multitasking! We have had a lot of progress figuring out what to do to help my sister. I took a shower and blow dried my hair and I even got dressed in non yoga related clothing. All almost before noon. And I’m writing. Obviously.
However. I feel shitty about not making myself run and the fact that I haven’t exercised in weeks. I feel guilty that my email is piling up and I’m stressed because people are coming over here on Saturday to build a rocket ship out of cans (uh huh) and my house is not clean. I am not wearing mascara. My toenails are not painted. My bank account may or may not be overdrawn.
I am resisting the urge to say something like ” I am realizing I can’t do it all” because, god, that sounds like a lame lesson to learn.
What I will say is that some of those balls are just going to have stay on the floor for awhile and I am just going to make myself be ok with that, because I can’t really figure out any other way. I need to get my eating on track, I need to help my family with my sister, and I want to start up my Etsy store more than I want a nine minute mile right now.
Maybe I just need to get my priorities straight. After all, my toenails aren’t going to paint themselves.