Food Fight

Blargh.

Today is one of those days when I need all of you out there to remind me that it’s not always like this before I lose my shit. Or rather before I lose my shit more than I already have.

I never really understand what this meant before but I am here to say that as much as I love and adore Senor Pants right now I  do not really like him too much.

Because OH MY GOD the whining. It NEVER stops.  Although what is grinding me down even more than the whining now a days is the food thing.  Every meal is a struggle.  Every meal finds me bobbing and weaving and chopping and mashing and running through every food I have ever heard of and adding olive oil to avocadoes and cutting up cheese and just desperate to find something the child will eat.  It takes forty five minutes to get a few bites in him. He’s crabby and angry because he’s hungry and he still won’t eat.  He wacks at my hands and flings pudding to the floor and grabs his face and screams and throws food on the floor. On good days he doesn’t care about eating. On bad days he acts like I’m trying to kill him with oatmeal. Food flies everywhere and he’s screaming  and probably hungry and I just don’t get it.  I don’t get it. Why can’t he just eat? I look over at Mr. E and I say, man i hope the eating  thing gets easier because I just can’t keep doing this. I just can’t keep doing this. Trying to feed this child is becoming a nightmare, just a total nightmare.

And he we have a doctors appointment coming up and I’m so terrified about the baby falling off the weight charts lecture of doom that I went and scared Maggie all to bits before her nine month old doctor appointment which was hardly necessary but I just don’t know what I will do if he hasn’t gained weight.  We tried to feed him formula scooped into his food. He won’t eat it. I feed him avocadoes mashed up with olive oil. I feed him cream mixed with pudding.  And yet you can still see his ribs and has the skinniest little arms and legs because he never stops moving and he just doesn’t give a shit about eating.  It’s SO frustrating and stressful.

I am at my wits end.

And then on top of all of this he’s not really happy the rest of the time either.

He screams and cries and acts like I’m stabbing him every time I make the unholy choice to change his diaper or remove various pieces of filthy clothing. He hates sleeping. He doesn’t like being held, he doesn’t want to be alone, he doesn’t want to play, he doesn’t want to nurse.

And when he’s not screaming, lord help me, the WHINING. I swear I can take the screaming although it makes no sense at all since he doesn’t appear to have a broken leg or an amputated limb that would justify shrieking at a pitch that could wake zombies but holy wah the whining the whining the whining is MELTING MY BRAIN. After I spent forty five minutes trying to feed him today only to have pudding flung back at me and on the floor and to have cheese chunks thrown on the floor and to have him whine and scream and rub his face whenever I tried to get him to eat, I gave up and grabbed him and put him in his crib. And not nicely either, kind of roughly, because I just COULD NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.

And then I felt bad and the screaming got to me and I went in and got him and fed him his favorite food of all (baby tylenol) and he screamed and wiped that on my clean shirt again and then I swear he looked at me just a little differently because he had seen me mean and angry and I hate that, I hate that the innocent baby trust in his eyes wasn’t what is was before, but I just don’t know what else to do, sometimes I need to get away from the whining and the screaming and the never ending struggle of getting him to eat.

I am so sick of it. SO sick of it.

I hope to god he’s teething and that’s what this all is  but holy god, how long can it take for four freaking teeny tiny teeth to come in?

The whole thing makes me want to go bury my face in a vat of cookie dough.

You will note I have NO problem with my appetite. I have NO trouble adding fat to my diet.  And I hardly ever whine about it.

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11 Responses

  1. I love that last paragraph. I wish I lived closer. I would absolutely offer to come watch him while you spent a day shoe shopping or drinking your drink of choice. YOU DESERVE A BREAK. It’s normal, I’m sure (although obviously I have no experience to stand on) but regardless, it’s also normally painful and frustrating. And no one (NO ONE) would blame you/hold it against you for how you feel. Thank God you can be honest about it and vent in some capacity. The women who really bury it are the ones I worry for the most.

  2. I hope you don’t mind if this post makes me feel better about MY day.

    But seriously, if my kid was doing all of that? I would die. Mean and angry would be the least of my problems. About the food thing- you can’t force him to eat, right? You are doing your best. If he’s not holding up his end of the bargain, what can you do except cross your fingers and hope he grows out of it in a week or two? I’m not kidding, I would die, but you are an awesome mom and DOING YOUR BEST. Hopefully there’s someone around who knows that in order for you to continue doing your best you’re going to need a break. Or a bottle of wine, whichever works. You deserve both!

  3. I don’t have any wise words being kidless, but good luck! I have read seventy bazillion posts about toddler eating, and the patience of mothers never ceases to amaze.

  4. I hear you. Oh my. I have twins who are nearly nine months old and they’ve just started the whole “flinging the arms up when I’m trying to get the spoon to their mouths sending globs of food flying everywhere” thing. It drives me INSANE. Especially today when for the 13th night in a row last night I got less than four hours sleep because they’re teething AND going through the eight-month sleep regression AND working on learning to crawl. I’m losing it and I have no patience and I don’t know how much longer I can handle it for.

    I LOVED reading this post. Not that I’m happy you’re going through it and all, but it’s so good to read another account of these struggles. I try really hard to keep a saintly look on my face when they send sweet potato flying across the room or wake early from yet another nap, but god it is hard and I often fail (giving them a filthy look or cursing or whatever) and then feel so terribly guilty.

    I also loved your Clarity and Dirty Floors post. I got a sewing machine for Xmas and I’m dying to do all this crafty stuff with it and I just cannot seem to find the time. When I’m trying to sleep my mind runs wild with all the things I want to do and all the things I need to do and I do not ever know how I’ll find the time.

    In short: So glad to have found your blog.

    PS. The picture of your colour-coordinated bookshelves made me tingle with delight.

  5. PS. What is it with babies and dressing/undressing? Mine aren’t so bad being undressed, depending on the day, but dressing them … Sleeves, oh god the sleeves. You’d think they were lined with steel spikes or hydrochloric acid the way they carry on when I’m ever-so-gently putting their hands and arms through their sleeves.

    PPS. I wonder if Ask Moxie (www.askmoxie.org) and her readers could help with the feeding issue?

  6. PS. What is it with babies and dressing/undressing? Mine aren’t so bad being undressed, depending on the day, but dressing them … Sleeves, oh god the sleeves. You’d think they were lined with steel spikes or hydrochloric acid the way they carry on when I’m ever-so-gently putting their hands and arms through their sleeves.

    PPS. I wonder if Ask Moxie (www.askmoxie.org) and her readers could help with the feeding issue? Is he as crap with self-feeding finger food as he is with being fed? Is he tired when he’s eating? My two are definitely worse at eating when they’re tired. I know you’re not looking for assvice; just a couple of thoughts.

  7. oh yes, I loved your post as it took my back to when my girls were that age and believe me, it DOES get better – they are now 3 and 4 and now eat by choice! I would try not to worry about the eating as all you can do is offer them food and it is their choice. It will even itself out I’m sure of it. I think the 9 month phase is one of the most frustrating cause they start crawling and growing fast and get soooo frustrated with themselves. Def worse when they are teething too. i won’t offer advice just encouragement. I always treated each day as a new day, with new triumphs and new mistakes, and I totally get how you felt guilty when you put him in the cot – I’ve been there! Hang in there and try to take a break for yourself, even if its only watching your favourite 30mins tv show when baby is napping or eating some icecream – guilty pleasure! love from the UK where the 9 month babies are the same too!

  8. I feel your pain. Try not to let it get you down. We’ve all been there. And it’ll get better. My son was annoyingly difficult to feed. He had oatmeal for dinner many times because it was the only thing he’d agree to eat. He’s improved more and more the older he gets.

  9. O my gosh! Please don’t hate me but I am laughing so so hard because I HAVE BEEN THERE!! One day you wake up and ask yourself “who is this demon baby??”
    It probably is just teething – that, and he is discovering that he has some limited control over his universe and he likes to exercise it – often.
    By all means, put him in “jail” once in a while and take a few deep breaths. You’ll both feel better when you can take a few steps back.
    Hang in there – I promise it will get better!!

  10. Deep breaths, Princess. Don’t let food become a battleground. Make food choices (including beverages) available to him, and if he doesn’t eat, he doesn’t eat.. It may go against your clean-house desires, but put a little dish of food where he can reach it, make sure he knows it’s there, then just go about your business, but monitor from a distance. If he wants to focus on one food, let him. The idea is twofold, first to let him know he has some say about his life and what/when he eats, and second NOT to teach him that he can manipulate you by being stubborn. It could be teething or related ear problems, too.

    Obviously if he stops eating for days, that’s a problem, but you don’t want this to become a battle of wills. And don’t take any lectures from the doctor if she/he starts fussing. Tell the doctor serenely that you’re his mother and are acutely aware of the problem, what you need advice about is a solution.

    Healthy children rarely starve to death when food is available to them, but they do sometimes have odd quirks about eating (for example, focusing solely on Cheerios for 3 days, then moving exclusively to cheese or broccoli). Over time, however, the long-term diet is balanced.

  11. Oh god. I could have written every single word of this post. Man, I feel you. I KNOW how hard it is to hold it together sometimes. I’ve been there. I am there.

    I just keep telling myself that every day is a new day, that maybe things will be different or better or something. What else can you do?

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