My Entourage Consists Mainly of Emotional Baggage

I have a guest post up at She Likes Purple.

I have what may be the #1 crabbiest baby of all time. On the plus side, for the rest of his life whenever he is this crabby I will be putting this birthday present on him and taking pictures so that I can show them to his prom date someday.

I have to wonder just how long it can actually take for four little teeth to come in. Because, um, hi, it might just be me, but I swear, Eli has been teething for MONTHS and it is KILLING me. I want my sweet little Senor Pants back. Ugh.

I have an enormous sleep deficit and I seriously don’t understand why babies don’t come with an off switch. This learning to sleep thing is the pits.

I have an appointment for a baby falling off the weight charts lecture of doom well baby visit tomorrow. Which I am NOT looking forward to.

I have the worlds most patient husband.

I have a very very SLOOOOOW Etsy banner designer.

And finally, I have something to admit to you all.

Because I totally know better, I do. I know that it’s wrong. But people. I might as well just put this out there. After all, I had to finally admit that I really do love No Doubt even though I felt like I really shouldn’t and also you should know that even though I know it’s not right to love green beans from the can and hate the fresh ones, I can’t help it. I am who I am. And so I might as well tell you that I have the biggest crush of all time on Vince from Entourage. Sigh.

And so with this in mind ever since getting a DVR I have recorded every single thing Adrian Grenier has ever been in, including some documentary I stumbled across the other day because um, hi, Adrian Grenier just does it for me. What can I say? I know Erik is the one the cool girls like and oh I wished I really did like him best but short men and blond men have just never been my thing. I do laugh at Erik and I do get a kick out of Ari but Vince just melts my butter, if you know what I mean, and so I recorded some terrible documentary he was in just as I have watched Drive Me Crazy more times than that movie should ever have been watched by all the people in the entire world.

Unfortunately what I didn’t realize is that this movie (A Shot in the Dark) was about Vince finding the father who left him when he was a baby. And about what it’s like to grow up without a father. About how his mother was also complicit in that life and about how it left him wondering what he was missing out on and what it meant to grow up fatherless.

I was ok with the whole thing and felt just a casual kind of “huh” up until the point when Adrian calls his grandparents to talk to them and his father answers the phone, which he is not expecting. At that point I started to sort of shake and feel sick and and then I had to yell things at the tv. His father reminded me so much of my own – the same creepy phone mannerisms, the same subtle rejections, the same hedging and throat clearing. This is when I had to start fast forwarding because I couldn’t watch it without one eye closed.

The conclusion of the movie was ok, I think, for Adrien. It seemed as though he and his father reached a sort of peace with each other. It was hard to say. I don’t think you ever really get over that sort of thing.

But I can’t stop thinking about it. It made me realize, for one thing, that all my bravado about seeing my father at Thanksgiving was totally ridiculous because I can’t even watch a documentary about a stranger meeting his estranged father without shaking. Hi, I’m so not ready for any meet ups of any kind.

The thing I hate the most about all of my issues with my father is that I can’t seem to move on from them. I want to put them in a box and mark them done and move on, as stupid as I know that is. I just hate that I record some movie hoping to oogle my tv crush and then bam! I’m confronted with the sinking awful father feeling yet again. It’s always there, no matter what I do. I absolutely hate that.

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8 Responses

  1. I love that you call him Senor Pants.

    And you know that bear I talk about? We got him a t-shirt at Target that says “Mr. Mischief.” You should totally try to find it.

    And I watch my mom deal with all kinds of dad issues. And that box? Is never big enough for everything that has to go in it. I just tell her to be the best person she can be in the instant and accept him for what he is, bad and all. Sorry you are dealing with all that kind of stuff too.

  2. ugh. sorry bout the father feeling but the rest of this is a hoot!

  3. Loved your guest post. Can’t wait for the store (but you know that). And I hope the teeth come in soon and Senor Pants is back to his rootin’ tootin’ (and laughin’) self. Only…with teeth.

  4. I don’t know your story, but I have some father issues myself. (And some mother issues…and some sibling issues…but I digress.)

    Anyway, this post resonated. You just never know when it’ s going to pop up. It sucks. But I’m not giving up TV.

  5. I am embarassed to admit I like No Doubt too. Even worse, it turns out that I really like Fergie. The shame! The shame!

  6. I thought everyone had a crush on Vince!? I thought it was normal to admit that. I have learned it’s not as normal to admit to ALSO having a crush on Eric (same show) but he kind of reminds me of Mike and when people laugh at me for saying I have a crush on him I GET PERSONALLY OFFENDED.

    Also, Drive me Crazy? Best 90s teen movie. I stand by that.

    Thank you for an incredible guest post. I’m so indebted.

  7. Ouch. I have an estranged father and therefore father issues too. He used to send pleading letters/cards and I would feel sick to my stomach as soon as I saw his handwriting, give them to my husband unopened and tell him to put them away somewhere. ([Unwarranted] guilt prevented me from just throwing them away.) I try not to think about it at all. I would NOT like a movie springing an estranged father theme on me.

    Anyway, I have absolutely no idea who Adrian Grenier or Erik are. Off to IMDB.

  8. thats it, brother

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