OMG People, OMG


Four score and seven years ago I got the Anthropologie catalog in the mail and while desperately perusing the pages pretending I don’t have a beer budget for my champagne tastes, I heard a voice from heaven and that voice told me to go ahead and fall in love with the Spring 08 Stem Multi Orla Kiely tote bag which I am for certain that you all are sick to death of hearing about by now. I know I am.

And so I saved up my miserly pennies for MONTHS and then finally I had my ducets all in a row and I got all set to order le purse and then Anthropologie was all “not so fast sucker, you won’t be seeing this purse till April” but luckily I whined about this on my blog and Slynnro told me to order the purse anyway because apparently the Anthropologie system is a big faker liar with its backorder system and I might add that I am really jealous of anyone who has cause to be intimately acquainted with the Anthropologie back order system but I think it is excellent that I am internet friends with said person because I consider her insider knowledge regarding shopping and stuff to be truly awesome and also she is funny.

Because I am wildy impatient and did not wish to wait for April, I maniacally trolled the internet poked around and found my purse at Piperlime, but I waited too long to order it and by the time I was all set to plunk down my hard earned $170 dollars (for a laminated canvas purse? Yes. Orla has her needs) they were all out of it at Piperlime. Which is fine because honestly they are the sloooooooowest internet company I have ever dealt with . I appreciate your free shipping but I would rather not have my shoes sent via pack mule, thank you very much. Regardless, at this point, I scoured the good old internet AGAIN and I found my bag from random internet company and I finally ordered the damn thing and canceled the Anthropologie backorder but surprise! it was on its way anyway.

So then I got the bag from random internet company and I don’t know, I wasn’t blown away, maybe I was having my period that day or something, but it was sort of wrinkled and a bit large, so I decided to set it aside and wait and see if the one from Anthropologie was like, less wrinkled or something.

Are you still reading this? Sorry, I know it’s boring as hell and all about purses, but I promise, in the end, you’ll get to laugh at how stupid I am, so maybe that will be worth it.

Anyhoo, the purse from Anthropologie finally came yesterday and I was all “the hell?” because it’s just freaking enormous. Like so huge you’d knock shit over in stores with it. Like, I could carry Eli AND the cat in it. Hmmm. Brilliant Idea? No. Anyway, I decided that my first instincts were correct and it was overly large and just not for me. And so I started looking for a new purse because hi, I had $200 burning a hole in my pocket and also I need a summer purse, for reals, I can’t carry a brown coach leather bag in the summer! Duh.

So I looked and looked and you all sent me some awesome suggestions and this came close, but it just wasn’t my perfect pretty Orla Kiely print, and also it was real leather which is way too high quality for me, I prefer to pay good money for $4 worth of laminated canvas. I checked out Coach but they were dudsville and then I checked Ebay for other Orla bags – and I just had to think that somewhere out there was a smaller Orla bag, because no one there right mind would carry this huge ass bag to anywhere but the beach, you know? The woman just had to be designing a smaller bag for those of us who are not eighteen feet tall.

So I basically made up my mind that I would never get over the stem multi print and I should just order the sling version of the bag despite my intense phobia regarding sling bags, and I totally convinced myself that maybe I could shorten the handle of the sling and pretend that it wasn’t a damn sling bag, but I also I just kept wondering if I wasn’t missing something and if there wasn’t a smaller version of the tote bag out there. There had to be, right? I scoured Flickr for pics of people with their Orla bags for scale and I googled a centimeter converter so I could see what her web site had the bags measuring as and basically I just got more and more confuseder because in a lot of the pictures I found the bag just didn’t look that large.

So then I figured out that perhaps I had ordered two of the beach bags. That there was a smaller version out there and just needed to figure out where the heck I could order it and I needed to make sure I didn’t order a third stupid bag the size of Texas. In desperation I checked Piperlime AGAIN and there was the bag, back in stock, and it didn’t look that large, people, it just didn’t. They listed the measurements as 16 inches across and so I hunted all over the house and finally found my tape measure and measured the Anthropologie bag and sure enough, they had sent me the beach bag, it’s like 30 inches across, mystery solved, I can return that one and order the small one from Piperlime. Thank god, even with pack mule shipping, I had figured out the Mystery of the Orla Totes; I had unknowingly ordered the beach bag size, I needed to make sure to order the smaller version, which did in fact exist, at Piperlime. Got it?

Only no. Because just for kicks and since I had the Anthropologie one out of the box I got out the original bag I had ordered from random internet company – it’s been sitting in a box for a week and a half and guess what? It’s totally the small one. I’ve had the small version all along, shoved in a box under my coffee table.

I am awesome, people. Awesome.

In short, I love the stupid thing, I am not returning it, it’s a bit large, but I can deal. And it’s positively microscopic compared to the beach bag version from Anthropologie which I will be returning lest I knock over any small children with it.

I just really hate it when I do stupid things like this because it just makes me wonder what other incredibly idiotic things I’m doing RIGHT NOW that I just am too out of it to know about, like probably I just threw a lit match and gasoline soaked rags in the dryer and turned it to high.

If my house catches on fire I will totally make sure to save my new purse. And also my baby.


6 Responses

  1. Well, my husband would KILL for me not to be so intimately acquainted with the Anthropologie backorder system. Glad you got what you were looking for!

  2. “I appreciate your free shipping but I would rather not have my shoes sent via pack mule, thank you very much”–I swear I make you my post of the day once a week, but I snorted SO HARD when I read this, my co-worker insisted I tell her what was going on with me. HILARIOUS.

  3. Coworkers are wandering past my office door wondering why I’m cackling at my computer! You make me laugh, girl, you really do!!

    Glad you got your dream purse!!

  4. See, the good thing about all of this is that if somehow you DO manage to set your house on fire, you can totally fit the baby IN your new bag before you run screaming for the door.

  5. colour me impressed.
    That is EXACTLY what I would have done.
    only I probably would have kept both of them.
    just in case.

  6. Too awesome. Very nice indeed. And good for you for sending the wrong one back.

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