I Want

Feel free to make fun of me; I totally got the idea for this from last night’s episode of One Tree Hill. Whatever. Even if I didn’t have a huge girl crush on Peyton, it would be SO worth watching OTH for the OMFG Gossip Girl commercials.

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I want the perfect pair of red shoes.

I want to live in a country where I don’t have to worry that the toys I buy for my son or the plastic he chews on or the soap we wash him with or the containers his food comes in are slowly poisoning him.

I want the freedom to choose.

I want my husband to know that sometimes I have moments of the most absolute clarity where I see just what a very very very good man he is. And I also want him to quit leaving his shoes in the middle of the living room floor even if he is just going to wear them again and I want him to know that I am aware that I let the second thing get in the way of the first thing a little too often.

I want to treat my husband more like I demand that he treats me.

I want to be a fun mom.

I want to lose fifteen pounds.

I want a president who I suspect may be smarter than I am, rather than a president who I know is dumber than I am.

I want to run a half marathon in under two hours. Or else learn to live with the fact that I am a really really slow runner.

I want to buy scads of little girl dresses.

I want a Jeanine Payer necklace and a new car and a pair of lululemon yoga pants and a duster on a long pole.

I want to raise children who are smart, funny, and polite to a fault. I want to raise children who would never say the word retard or let anyone else say it around them, but I also want to raise children who can think for themselves. And I want to raise children who call me just because they want to hear my voice.

I want a little house with a backyard for my dog and a front porch with a swing and a gas stove and a laundry chute. I want to cover my front porch with plants and cafe lights and when people go for walks at night and peer in the windows I want them to think “It looks like a happy family lives there”

I want to know what it’s like to be tall and blond and skinny, just for one day.

I want to write something that makes you laugh and cry at the same time.

I want my mother to know that I would not be who I am today without her.

I want to stop feeling sorry for my father. I preferred anger.

I want to know that my sister isn’t lonely.

I want to know that my brother is happy.

I want to have enough money so I just don’t have to worry about it all the time. I want to be able to go to the grocery store or send someone flowers or buy myself a new pair of jeans without really thinking about it.

I want to make the world more beautiful.

I want to spend less time on the internet.

I want to be able to return my email with the power of my mind. I write some really good emails in my head.

I want a shower that never runs out of hot water.

I want to take my kids to Disneyland and buy them Mickey Ears and I want to stay in the Disneyland hotel and eat Mickey Mouse pancakes.

I want to dance to Elvis, barefoot, in my living room.

I want to raft down the Colorado River.

I want the courage to do the things that scare me.

I want to stand in front of the pyramids in silence and just think. (It’s probably really noisy there. Not what I am picturing, right?)

I want to wake up every morning thrilled about life.

I want to read books that move me unspeakably and I want to fill books with words I love.

I want to know that sometimes the people that I think of think of me.

Mostly I want to feel comfortable. In my skin, in my family, in my home, in my life. In my head. I see a moment in the future – I’m curled up on a ridiculously puffy couch in the living room of my old house and the light is slowly fading into evening and I’m listening to the noises of the street mixed with the stereo and the faint sounds of my children playing somewhere close by – and I wait just a few minutes more, just listening, before I get up and make dinner and bathe kids and feed animals and one more day spools out beneath me.

That’s what I want.

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9 Responses

  1. Beautiful

  2. Oh, this is so good and I’m stealing the idea. (I did something like this a long time ago but I want to do it again.) Also, I teared up a little while reading this and laughed about your husband leaving his shoes around so THERE, you got one thing you wanted ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Also … um … didn’t you just love Brooke’s speech last night, at the end? Didn’t it make you like her so much — she’s come so far in the last five years (sigh) — and when she said she didn’t care what sex/age/race the baby was. I just love her!

  3. Oh, what a great post.

    Also, I loved your comment on Swistle’s blog today. SO AWESOME.

    Dude, you are like ON FIRE today!

  4. This one:

    I want to treat my husband more like I demand that he treats me.

    Yeah.

  5. Yeah, this made me laugh and cry too.

    Great list — if only they were all that easy!

  6. Love the list!

    You’ve made me want to watch OTH!

  7. That was an amazing list. You truly made me think about what I want – I think I just want to know what I want if that makes sense. I don’t think I take the time to think like this and decide what my hopes and dreams are for my life. I just sort of live – I’m definitely going to do this.

    And the comment about wanting to treat your husband more like you demand that he treats you…I just called my husband to apologize for some stuff I said this morning because THAT really made think. Thanks.

  8. dang, you nailed the house i want too – right down to the cafe lights! this is a great post – sent here by swistle but i’ll be back. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. “I want to write something that makes you laugh and cry at the same time.”

    Check.

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