I Can’t Think of A Title Besides Bra Vo and God, That’s Terrible, Isn’t It?

So, were you waiting breathlessly to see how my experiment in online bra shopping went?

I’m sure.

God, if you really stop to think about it, bras are so weird, aren’t they? Almost as weird as ta tas. It’s just one of those things I can’t spend too much time thinking about or I get profoundly disturbed. Sort of like if I think about my toes, at all, and how they touch each other ALL THE TIME, I start to freak out. Or if I think about breathing and how random it is and how it just keeps working when you don’t even think about doing it then I start to freak out AND hyperventilate.

Also, this one time I was watching this documentary on the bra (forgive me, I think this was when we had basic cable and maybe only got four channels and one of those was HSN) and this sciency type dude came on and said that the bra made NO SENSE WHATSOEVER from like, an engineering stand point, and that it was just a giant scam being perpretrated on all of us women and if you really thought about there were like, a bazillion better ways of constructing a bra. But then he never said what ANY of those better ways were and it has haunted my to this very day. I think about it like, all the time. What could this better engineered bra be? What would it be and why is it being kept from me and my lady bazzers? Why, god, why?

Anyhoo, my online bra shopping was shockingly successful. It was more successful than any trip I’ve ever taken to an actual store with an actual lingerie department which kind of blows my mind, to be honest, but it just goes to show you that the power of the internet is tremendous and mighty. Not unlike the bras I just bought.

Anyway. I ordered bras from Amazon and from the Gap.

The bra from Amazon is the Maidenform One Fab Fit Dream Bra and it costs $19.99 and it is awesome.

Supportive and comfortable and it doesn’t have diggy inny straps and it doesn’t give that you weird four boob smoosh and it doesn’t pinch or itch or gap or scrape. Also, did I mention it is 19.99? Beat that, Victoria’s Secret. Extra awesome is the fact that it’s part of the whole free shipping hoo ha which means you can add it to an order of diapers or books or whatever biz boz you order from Amazon and they ship it for free. (as long as your order adds up to $25).

The one down side of this bra is that the mom/old lady/frump factor is slightly higher than ideal. I mean, it’s not a lacy bra, it’s not gonna make anyone want to tear it off you, if you get what I mean. It’s a SENSIBLE bra. Of course, that’s how I like my underbusinesnets, but that’s where bra #2 comes in

I also ordered a bunch of bras from the Gap and I returned everything but the clear winner, the Bonded Balconnnet bra.

I adore balconette bras becauuse they are super flattering and even though they annoy me with their interpretitive spelling, I have yet to meet the balconette bra that didn’t really do it for me. I don’t have a huge rack, per se, but it’s not small (I wear a 36C) and this bra just really works for me. There’s something about the wide set straps, I think. This bra is very very comfortable and I love the hidden underwire. It looks kind of space agey but also just really clean and smart and again, it doesn’t poke me or itch me or give me uni boob or extra side boob or any of that. The one down side is that it’s $39.95, but I bought it on sale and I had a 15% off coupon, so I think I got it for $23 or $29 or something like that. Again, it’s not a fancy lacey bra but it suits me. It comes in three colors and honestly if I had one of these in white and black and tan and then a few of the Amazon bra in white, I’d be sitting pretty.

The online underwear ordering was not so successful, but I live to fight another day.

And now, I have something to celebrate (besides the ordering of undergarments online, believe it or not) so I am off to drink margaritas. Luckily everyone knows that the margaritas you drink when your husband has gotten a new job and you are moving out of dumpsville have no points, so I am going to drink MANY. And by many, I mean two.


4 Responses

  1. Way to bury the lede! CONGRATU_FRAKKING_LATIONS!!

    *does a little happy dance*

    Oh, and I majorly do need new bras.

  2. Sounds like good times all around…the bras, the moving, the margaritas!

  3. Ooh, congrats on the new over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders AND the new job for your husband! How exciting!

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