Emotional Breakdown Two, Electric Bugaloo

So yesterday afternoon was not good.

I was burnt out and tired and I have had A LOT of solo baby time lately and buying a house is mega super uber stressful.  Everyone and their mailman has an opinion for me and I alternate between thinking “Oh dear god, please let them not agree to move the water heater so we can get out now and buy a bigger house” and “Dear god if they won’t agree to move the water heater we are so so so effed and I won’t get my house and it’s the only house we can afford in a semi decent neighborhood oh gawd where will we live.”

I thought I was handling the stress really well, but then the numbers on the scale starting going up and all of a sudden it got much hotter and I was forced to admit that I have only one pair of shorts that fit me.  And I couldn’t find those.  And I went and looked at Target this weekend for more shorts and there was NOTHING. Just nothing.  It was like a bargain hunting maniac in my exact size had swept through and left nothing but crumbs and elastic waisted gauchos in her wake.

So then yesterday it got hot and Neurotically Clean Co Worker was coming over to my dirty ass house for after work beers and I had just spent 24 hours working on Etsy and I had gotten essentially nowhere and all the stuff left to pack in the house was too high for me to reach and I could not find my one effing pair of shorts.  I have stuff packed up in my closet to take with me if my best friend ever goes into labor and I have stuff packed up in the garage that doesn’t fit me and I have duffel bags full of stuff to take to the new house and I started out methodically poking through them and then I am not sure what happened but I was filled with this hot prickly rage and I just started to whip clothes out of bags and drawers and bins and suitcases until both bedrooms were filled with a huge mound of clothes and Eli was sliding around on all of them and I was crying and shaking and red hot mad and then I emailed Mr. E  a raging email because his phone was out of batteries again and then he called me and I told him I was experiencing a Britney style break with reality and he LAUGHED at me and told me to buy some shorts.

The good news is that I went through all the clothes in the giant heap and I got rid of a bunch of them and as I was going through everything I had the realization that because of my childhood when I never got any new clothes, when I was chronically uncool and sported pink elastic waist corduroys,  I am a bit of a clothes hoarder. I don’t feel right unless I have drawers jammed full of t shirts and my closets are bursting, but the sad truth is that I wear about a sixteenth of that stuff and most of it doesn’t fit or doesn’t look right or just doesn’t do it for me.  And so yesterday I got rid of anything and everything that doesn’t make me feel GREAT when I wear it.  Out it went. And I won’t lie – I do still have a bin of great size 4 and size 6 clothes that I love, and I’m not ready to get rid of that yet and if I am ever ready to work that hard again to be that size again I am going to have a kick ass wardrobe ready to go.

BUt in the meantime, I need some shorts. So this morning I got online and due to my extreme awesomeness and the power of the internet coupon I managed to get four pairs of underpants, five t shirts, 4 tank tops, and 3 pairs of shorts for a squidge over 200 bucks. Not  bad, not bad at all.

Don’t get me wrong, I would much rather have been buying a purse or this kick ass skirt I just found at Anthropologie but if you knew how many skirts I have compared to the amount of skirts I wear you would agree, I just don’t need skirts.  For some reason I have been putting off buying regular old clothes that actually fit me for quite some time and now it’s done and when I return half this stuff I am so buying that anthropologie skirt, you guys, it’s just super gorgeous.

Now. Does anyone have a J Crew coupon code? I could use a few more t shirts.

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9 Responses

  1. The sale stuff is an extra 20% off right now!!

  2. I love that skirt.
    Good for you for tossing clothes you don’t love. Don’t you feel great?

  3. Oh man. Something is IN the air. I hope you are feeling better.

    If it helps, I think you have so many tons of style I want to hide under a blanket everytime you post about clothes or design or houses or what have you because I feel like a frump. You rock.

  4. P.S. The house thing IS hell while it’s happening. I hope whatever is supposed to happen happens. Just go with that. It will all work out.

  5. Dude, I totally get no fitting into the shorts I have. I am working out three times a week with a trainer and doing cardio several times a week, no differnce. Although, one of the girls friends did say “you look hot, are you losing weight?” However, that doesn’t really bring me much confort, I am not in the business of attracting 11 year old girls. I live in yoga pants, a What Not To Wear don’t, but I don’t want to buy new clothes. My husband’s illness, I think, brings the same physical results as buying a house.

  6. I know exactlly where you are right now with the clothes – I was there last year. I will admit though that buying clothes that DID fit me and looked nice made being a bit bigger than I had been more comfortable. I’ll never be as little as I once was, but I’m pretty happy in my skin these days. I hope you find the happy place too:)

    And house buying? Is HELL…but it’s so fun nesting once you sign your life away:) And who puts a hot water heater in a visible place in the kitchen? Craziness! Tho…ours is in the attic and that makes me all sorts of nervous.

  7. Oh, that clothes-hoarding thing is so familiar to me. Yup. Here’s one thing I’m working on: not buying cheap crappy clothes. This means NO target clothes shopping at all. EVER. It sucks because their stuff is so cheap and so easy, but it’s cheap in many ways, you know? I know I feel better in better-quality stuff, so why don’t I let myself buy it? I am not up to Anthropologie yet, but damn, their stuff is cute.

    Enough of my giant issues. Where did do your online shopping? Sounds like a good score. (Unless you’re keeping it secret, which I would totally understand.)

  8. You see for me, skirts are the solution to the shorts problem.

    I’m a bit of a clothes hoarder too- I feel like they’re some of my only connections to an all-over-the-place past… but I hope to get rid of a bunch soon, spurred by your example.

  9. Hey, just wanted to let you know I got the onesie, and it is AWESOME! He’s already worn it like three times. Thank you so much! I’m gonna get a picture of him wearing it next time I get it washed and post it, along with a link to your shop.
    Also, hey, I had a childhood filled with dorky hand-me-downs and homemade clothes, too! It does give you a bit of a complex!

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