Candy Weekends and Rocky Road Dreams

Am I the only who goes to the grocery store and stuffs her cart full of healthy goodness and gets all excited about lettuce and celery and low fat butter and then comes home and thinks “Huh. Where the hell’s the candy?”

Happens every time, I swear.

Yesterday I got a giant iced tea from the McDonald’s drive through right about the time I wanted to kill Mr. E with my bare hands for having the cajones to be mad at ME because the whole world is just one pizza I can’t eat because I am trying to lose weight AGAIN and anyway the point is I was up till 4 am because drinking a giant iced tea at 7 PM isn’t really conducive to sleeping, you know, that same night, and so while I was tossing and turning DYING Of hotness I started to think about all these weird tv shows and books I sort of half remember from when I was a little girl….

Luckily Google always comes to the rescue and this morning I uncovered two tv shows I remembered from when I was a kid –  one of them is about some kids whose parents die in a car crash and they have to run the family ice cream parlor on their own.  It was, appropriately enough, called Rocky Road, and is it just me or is this IMDB commenter a complete stalker:

I loved this show. I think the first time I tried rocky road ice cream was due to this show. Wasn’t the shop located like right on the beach or something? I actually wrote back and forth with Marci for several years. I lost touch and wish I could reconnect now as adults. Anyone know where she is now? I wish they would put it out on DVD. I seriously doubt that since I think there maybe like five or six people who even remember the show airing in the first place. They just don’t make shows like this anymore, do they? I wonder if it would still hold up in this day and age. Do you guys know anyone that could burn DVD’s of the show they taped on VHS? I’d be willing to pay(within reason).

Yeah, total restraining order right there. No one tell her where Marci is!

The other show was this weird preteen soap opera called Swans Crossing, and I think it was the first thing Sarah Michelle Gellar was ever on.  I LOVED it, and rightly so, let me tell you, as there are episodes on You Tube and it effing rules. In the first thirty seconds of the first episode, SMG is being chauffered in a convertible! and they come across a family of swans crossing the road (it is, after all, SWANS CROSSING) and she just sort of growls, to the chauffeur “USE YOUR PEDAL” and he guns it for the swans.

OMFG so awesome.

PS From now on, I will be working “use your pedal” into my daily lexicon.

Also, speaking of tv, are you watching My Boys? I find it entertaining, aside from the fact that everyone knows that PJ and Brendan should be together and also have I mentioned that I love Brendan and why are they wasting all this time on that spiky haired lamo Bobby character?  Anyway, the point is that I super adore the name PJ and obvs I probably won’t even need any girl names ever since I’ll be giving birth to eight boys, but if I did, it’s driving me crazy that I can’t think of any girl names I could use to make the initials PJ.  Although I did just remember that I have a great aunt who was named Pocahontas and a great grandmother who was named Pulcifer, so perhaps the search for a good P name has ended.  Pulicifer Jane does have a certain ring to it, doesn’t it? I hope Aunt Tonta wouldn’t be offended.

So what are you doing this weekend?  Besides babbling incoherently, which I can now check off the list, we’re not doing anything too fun.  I have instituted Boring House Weekend, so we’ll be childproofing the kitchen sink and hanging curtain rods and you know, just generally getting all crazy with our bad selves.  I might send Mr. E to go see the Dark Knight, as I just can no longer take the delicate balance he is walking between sulkiness that he hasn’t seen the Dark Knight yet and sulkiness that when he does see it he has to go see it ALONE like a pathetic loser.  Whatever.  I for one am not up for Heath Ledger acting all crazy weird, there’s just something about that that I’m not quite sure about, and since Mr. E and I have no friends and no baby sitter it’s totally a moot point, so he can go alone or he can sit at home with me and watch 7,000 DVR’d episodes of House Hunters.  Suck it up whine pants, sitting alone BY MYSELF for three whole hours in the dark is my ultimate fantasy of all time at this point.

Actually, Mr. E is bringing me home three books I requested from the library and all I really want to do this weekend is lie around in the backyard reading and drinking Dr. Pepper through a Red Vine straw. In that case perhaps I shouldn’t have gone and had myself a baby who has to be held during every waking moment of his life unless he is eating dog food.

Really, I know this isn’t right, but I swear to god every single time I walk outside I find myself looking back and forth between my idiot dog and my, um, let’s just say…spirited child and thinking “Really?  Can’t we work something out here?  You’re absolutely for sure certain that a dog can’t watch a baby, just for a few minutes? The two of you just can’t…you know, just kind of look out for each other for a little while?”

Also, I think it’s pretty evident from this post that I’ve got absolutely tootely freaking nothing going on – unless you count the wild curtain rod hanging that may occur this weekend – and I am ashamed to admit that I’ve decided I’ve really got to do start doing some more exciting shit because otherwise I just won’t have enough cool stuff to blog about.  And that’s how you know I’m a winner.

For reals though, next weekend I am going to Thai Brunch at an actual Buddhist Temple AND I am also going to the Heath tile factory, and if that doesn’t make me the MOST exciting person you’ve ever met, well, let me just say it again.  A TILE FACTORY.

I know.  I know. I’m a rock star.

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14 Responses

  1. So, I’m a long-time reader, first time commenter…but I have to tell you that I love love LOVED “Suck it up whine pants.”

    So much so that I laughed at an inappropriate volume in my cube at work. I may consider adding it to my daily vernacular.

    So, thank you for that. 🙂

  2. House Hunters, International is the way to go. I just love that version of the show. It’s how I travel out of the country.

  3. Well, the ESIL and BIL have (or are attempting to) closed on their house so we are supposed to be helping them move this weekend but due to a stroke of genius, I am now wounded. My husband loaded a steak knife POINTY END UP in the dishwasher and I didn’t notice it until it was IN my hand, between my first and middle finger, so I’m off moving duty.

    It effing hurts.

    I love red vines, can I have some?

  4. Dear Raven,

    Thank you SO MUCH for your injury. I know that sounds weird, but — let’s just say that Eliz and I have a daily battle over how to load the dishwasher — my opinion being that knives DO NOT GO IN WITH POINTS UP!!!! And you have promptly demonstrated why that should never, ever, ever happen.

    Hope it gets better — but, again. Thank you.

    Mr. E

  5. I routinely have to return to the grocery store mid-week for Fudgsicles and Swedish Fish and whatnot because the gorgeous plums and apples and lettuces that I have purchased just aren’t cutting it. I’m thinking I can somehow convince myself that I’m a health nut that only eats berries and leaves and whatnot. Sigh.

  6. haha @ Mr. E. Matt and I have the same rotating argument, but Matt’s is null and void since he wouldn’t know how to operate the dishwasher, much less load it. I put all big knives points up (gotta get that chef’s nice super clean to prevent infection from said injuries that can occur) – and in their own cubby. Smaller steak knifes go points down because those suckers are kind of hard to distinguish and belong in a separate drawer all together from the silverware when being put away.

    Feel better Raven! Happy dishwashing E’s…. and enjoy those curtain rods. I’ve been putting off hanging ours and doing anything remotely productive for a while now.

  7. I have the same grocery store issue. Except in my case, it’s “where the hell are the chips?”

    Also, my dogs totally watch my kids. Not the baby, because he stays where I put him, but the older two. It’s good for at least 15 minutes of ignoring-the-kids-while-blogging-or-sneaking-a-Klondike-bar time, and they do a most excellent job. I highly recommend it.

  8. I’ve been reading your blog for maybe a week, and I am a first time poster. I’m a babblehead as well, and I totally related to your post.

    House hunters. Hell yes. Though, I’m darn lazy and actually watch it when it is on, and even the ones I have seen already.

  9. OMG, laughing so hard….gasp… I’ve never been watching t.v. and thought “Gee, I’m a little hungry, I think I’ll have an ounce of grilled tilapia.” I shop like I am MRS. HEALTHY without any consideration at all for my evil twin who tears through the grocery bags searching for the Flip crackers, golden Oreos, and bridge mix. Who am I trying to impress–the bag boy? I had never consciously thought about this until you brought it up so humorously.

  10. I think I’ve found my new favorite blog. Hi-larious, lady.

    And thanks for your kind words on Moxie’s blog. Made my day!

    Warmly,
    Alisha

    http://www.flabbypants.blogspot.com

  11. How about Penelope? Penelope Jane Yourlastname. She sounds like she’d solve mysteries on the weekends.

  12. I, too, often find myself staring at a dog (my parent’s little chihuahua and Jack Russell mix) and wondering if it can’t do something useful for a change instead of just laying there or yapping.

    “Go get the vaccuum, Rita! Go get it and plug it in to the wall! Go on!” I’ll encourage. Nope. Nothin’ doin’.

    “Dial ‘Hong Kong Kitchen’ and order the Family Dinner for 3, plus vegetarian eggrolls! Go on! Go order Chinese food! Come on! Hit the ‘speakerphone’ button! The number’s right on the take-out menu! Go get it!”

    Not a chance, though. Sigh. Sometimes we’re just hoping for too much, I guess.

    Wonderfully humorous post, btw. I’m becoming quite fond of your blog and a daily reader. I look forward to more!

  13. I, too, often find myself staring at a dog (my parent’s little chihuahua and Jack Russell mix) and wondering if it can’t do something useful for a change instead of just laying there or yapping.

    “Go get the vaccuum, Rita! Go get it and plug it in to the wall! Go on!” I’ll encourage. Nope. Nothin’ doin’.

    “Dial ‘Hong Kong Kitchen’ and order the Family Dinner for 3, plus vegetarian eggrolls! Go on! Go order Chinese food! Come on! Hit the ‘speakerphone’ button! The number’s right on the take-out menu! Go get it!”

    Not a chance, though. Sigh. Sometimes we’re just hoping for too much, I guess.

    Wonderfully humorous post, btw. I’m becoming quite fond of your blog and a daily reader. I look forward to more!

    http://gentlemansavant.wordpress.com

  14. I love buying all the healthy food! it’s so exciting, and yummy! but i too forget the candy, and them im ransacking my girl’s little candy collection, and it’s full of lollipops and tootsie rolls, and all i really want is a damn butterfinger, or snickers, or how about a kitkat??

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