What’s In Your Shower?

Dudes, this is terrible, but I totally haven’t written anything since Tuesday because the only thing I can think of to write is a Slynnro style What’s In Your Blankety Blank type post and I ordered some new face wash and some new shampoo and it’s not here yet, and I couldn’t take an incomplete bathroom picture that was missing two new bathroom products, could I now?

And yet, here we are.

Can I ask this? Does anyone else find showering to be like, so incredibly boring, except on those days when you’re trying some new product for the first time?  I started thinking the other day that showering could actually be kind of fun, instead of a big waste of my time, if only I had a new products in there every day.  Too bad Ahnahld has decided to pay my husband minimum wage and no I am not kidding and haaaaaaaaaaa minimum wage doesn’t even pay our mortgage so um, not okay? Well, whatever, let’s just say that Mr. E and I did not spend fourteen years living at the poverty line while he got a PhD for him to make MINIMUM wage.  Boo.

So, my bathroom, let’s talk about my bathroom.  God, I am thrilling, aren’t I?

But seriously, please observe, this is the world’s smallest bathroom (TWSB), and we almost didn’t buy this house because the fact that it is so insanely tiny made Mr. E really nervous, but please note, it takes aproximately 30 seconds to clean. I used to have a HUGE ass bathroom with two sinks and all that whole shebang and the thing took literally HOURS to clean.  Also,  please note that we have a tankless hot water heater which means we never ever ever ever run out of hot water, I literally could turn on the hot water at 7 am and it would still be hot at 7 pm when  I got home from wherever I would go while I ran the hot water for 12 hours in my house.  How’s that small bathroom looking now?

The only bad part about having a tankless hot water heater, aside from the hole in my bank account where many thousands of dollars used to be, is that everyone asks you how it works and all I can say is that there is this box thingee and it makes a fire inside it and then there is hot water. Gah, I don’t know, don’t you have a computer?  Just google it like the rest of the free world!

Also, I am for certain there is a better way to design this bathroom, layout wise, and I am totally going to redesign it myself, by which I mean I am going to make my friend who is an architect come stay with me and tell me how to fix my bathroom and where to put the toilet and then I am going to order seventy million dollars worth of cabinets from Pottery Barn.

Also, remember when I said we were putting IKEA hooks on our door for towels and all that blah blah blah? Well, that was fine and worked well until the hook thingee fell off the wall.  Despite the fact that Mr. E looks constipated whenever they are mentioned I ordered an over the door towel holder thingee and it is actually much better, way less messy and bulky looking than having fourteen towels hung on hooks basically all up in the hallway’s business  – although I did just notice that my husbands’ towel is on the bedroom floor so I hope I didn’t accidentally buy the dreaded boy repelling variety towel rack.  Sigh.

Confidential to Mr. E: HANG YOUR TOWEL UP OR I AM GOING TO BLOW MY NOSE ON IT AND PUT IT BACK AND YOU WON’T EVEN KNOW.

Ew. Gross.

If the door appears to slant open at a bizarre angle it’s because we had to put those rubberized stoppers behind the doors all over the house because Eli’s number one favorite thing to do in the world is to slam doors open and shut all day long, bang bang bang bang and it was making dents in the plaster.

Oh, also, isn’t my toothbrush holder lovely?

I totally put that up myself, and by put that up myself I mean I forced my friend Andrew to do it when he was here visiting.  Sometimes Mr. E tries to actually use the cup and then I give him the evil eyes of “don’t you know that cup is for decoration and certainly not for boys to drink out of.” Also I am now wondering if the towel bar which I hate and the toothbrush holder which I love should go below that thing I call the white wood stripey thing and which those in the know apparently call “wainscoting.”  So fancy! I bet you call your car hole a garage too.

Whatever, I won’t be moving any toothbrush holders today, so let’s just hold it together.

I do have all white towels and such and I love them, for years we used these scrappy brown rough JC Penney towels and although we always talked about getting new towels we’d always say, no, these are fine, even though the dog had chewed on one and that was the one I always ended up getting, but we wanted to save money and so we used the ratty towels and then when we moved somehow a bunch of them ended up getting thrown out and so for some ridiculously tiny amount of money like $48 dollars we went to TJ Maxx and got all new white fluffy Ralph Lauren towels and it was worth every penny.  It was a bargain AND exactly what I wanted so the moral of the story is that sometimes money is ok to spend and also when it comes to buying nice towels TJ Maxx is your best friend.

Also, I hate to tell you this but my favorite thing in the entire bathroom, by FAR, is that ledge that I keep all my shower shit on. No need to have a crappy wire hangy thing in the bathroom! Tall enough that my son can’t eat my $26 dollar shampoo!  Plenty of room for way way way way too many bottles of conditioner and other assorted crap! No bottles of shampoo falling all over every time I move! LOVE IT. Every shower needs a random wall ledge, IMHO, and it is totally worth having TWSB as a trade off.

Also, here is a question.  I was so going to rip out these glass doors and put in a shower curtain because that’s like, what you do, right? But then I realized I kind of love the glass shower doors. It’s so…all enclosed. It’s like shutting yourself in a little shower room every morning. But is that sort of terrible? Like are people going to someday come to look at the house and maybe buy it from us and think “Ech, I can’t live here, they don’t have a shower curtain!” or am I being crazy? I mean is the glass shower door the equivalent of having a Bathtub Mary in my front yard (which I honestly have always kind of wanted) or is it no big deal?

Also, what I really want is a claw foot tub but I don’t even know if that would fit in TWSB and I also haven’t figured out yet how to get a claw foot tub into a Jetta, so that might have to wait for a little while.

Christ, I can’t believe I still haven’t told you what all is in my shower. Good god.  Ok, here goes, from left to right:

1. Mario Badescu Enzyme Cleansing Gel – One of the new products.  I tried a sample, and then lost it, so I am hoping this is the one I really loved.  Only I did just notice that it has Alpha Hydroxy in it which normally my skin HATES, so we’ll see.

2. Some random Aussie shampoo – this is bad bad bad, but this is the fake shampoo I put in here so guests don’t use my $26 dollar shampoo! I know, bad. But hear me out – I just feel like if you KNOW (as I do) that my shampoo cost $26 dollars, you use a tiny amount.  But I can’t tell a guest that! I can’t march into the bathroom and say “Oh, hai, this shampoo is very very expensive, but good news! You only need a tiny amount!” So instead I just take out the $26 shampoo when guests come and they use the Aussie and if they don’t like it, they can bring their own shampoo, right? I am terrible, I know.

3. The $26 Fresh soda shampoo –  This was ok. I never really find shampoo I like and I’m still in the hunt. It definitely felt like it got my hair really really clean, but I never loved the smell, and my hair smelled like it for ages afterwards. I’m going to try to the equally overpriced Kiehl’s Tea Tree shampoo and see which one I like better, because I’ve used samples of the Kiehl’s before the price scared me off and I think I liked it more.

4. Orange bottle – Cheap conditioner, see #2.

5.  California Baby shampoo/baby wash/combo dealio – For the child. We buy it because it’s unscented. NO PHTHALATES ON THE BABY!

6.  Aveeno Skin Brightening Daily Scrub. So it turns out I have the kind of skin where if you aggravate it at all, it gets pissed, so I really should never ever ever use scrub on it, really at all, but I can’t help myself, you guys, because sometimes my face looks just dull or not dewy or something and I just want to scrub it. I know. But my skin always feels so clean afterwards and also this stuff smells just freaking UNBELIEVABLE it is my favorite smell of anything ever, so I use it and then I break out for three weeks afterwards and I curse myself every day and then I use it again. Clearly I have a problem.

7.  Clinique Mild Face Wash. Eh. I liked it, it cleaned my face, I’m bored of it, and also I still have breakouts, so who knows.  It worked for awhile, I think, but now I’m over it.  If I hate the MB stuff I’m moving on to Origins, then I might try this again, who knows. Maybe it’s the best I’m gonna do.

8.  Rene Furterer Initia Shampooing Volume – The green shampoo in the small bottle.  You cannot buy this shampoo in the US.  I have tried googling the hell out of it, trust me, and it’s the BEST EVER but I have to conserve it because my step father brings it back from France for me one tiny bottle at a time. You can find the brand here, but not the flavor.  I have greasy fine hair that needs to be washed all the time and this stuff is the best.  I save it for special occasions and such.

9.  Alba Volume Conditioner – Rec’d by Slynnro, works well.  I got a little bored with it but I’ll probably stick with it. Also, that’s a good deal there on Amazon, with the free shipping and all.

10.  MOP Lemongrass Volume Conditioner – I like it. It seems to work, maybe the same or not as well as the Alba, it’s so hard to tell. I don’t hate it, though, and it has a fairly innocuous smell. It rinses clean and it doesn’t turn my hair into an oil slick, so there’s that. It was kind of pricey though, now that I think about it.  Maybe better to stick with the Alba for half the price.

11.  Trader Joe’s Cream Shave. I prefer the Alba Cream Shave stuff that this is clearly ripped off from, but this is $2.50 or something and readily available at Trader Joe’s. It does the job, it just sort of smells like pipe tobacco to me.  It doesn’t have that delicious “are you sure I can’t eat this or just roll around in it” smell like the Alba stuff does. But again, it’s like, a quarter of the price.

12.  Wella Color Conserve Volume Conditioner – Eh.  This is really hard to rinse out of my  hair.  Also, I can’t find this except as “Color Conserve” and since I don’t have colored hair, that’s weird, and also, I think the Alba is the cheapest of the bunch and none of these other ones are noticeably better. I’m still waiting for the conditioner that’s going to give me crazy volumerized hair, but so far, it’s just a matter of what doesn’t turn my hair into limp sad hair, and none of these conditioners do that, so take that for what it’s worth.

At a later date I will go into what’s in those fascinating green and striped bins and then we’ll really get into the volumizing products. Bet you can hardly wait.

Also, stay tuned for a review of the Kiehls Tea Tree Shampoo which has not yet arrived. Grrrrr.

Also not pictured: Ivory bar soap, which is the only kind Mr. E and I can agree on, and whatever random pink razor with eighty blades I use, the Venus Hot Pants Lady Parts Shaver or some such thing.

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19 Responses

  1. Keep me posted on the Tea Tree shampoo. I tried another Kiehl’s shampoo and I hated it. Like most shampoos. I CANNOT FIND ONE I LIKE. And I’m willing to drop $$ on it.

  2. what texture is your hair? and I looooove the soda smell!

    I have this strange premonition that the Kielh’s will make my hair flat. it is utterly baseless.

    I may have said this before, but I think volumizing conditioner is really a myth. You just have to find what doesn’t make your hair more flat.

  3. I have to say, I have you beat. My bathroom is smaller than yours. Definitely.

    But your bathroom is sooo much prettier. Mine is pending a gigantic friggin remodel.

  4. I am about to embark on a very strange hair washing trip. I will report back on it.

    Right now i am using Dove. It’s alright. I have SUPER THICK DRY HAIR though, definitely not the same time as yours.

    Claw foot tubs come in varying shapes and sizes, also materials, it definitely would have to be delivered!

  5. Isn’t the shower door an upgrade? We threw out our rod and shower curtain and installed a fancy glass shower door. So I say stick with it!

  6. my god this post is classic! and just so Mr. E listens about the towels, I actually know someone who was pissed at her husband for never picking up his wet towel and wiped up kid pee with it – then sweetly hung it up for him. I’m not saying this was me, no not at all. SOMEONE I KNOW!

  7. *sigh* same KIND as yours.

  8. I cannot relate, I am waaaaaay to cheap to drop $26 on shampoo.

    I have that shelf in my bathroom. But the guest bathroom, because my master bathroom is not only small but the most poorly designed bathroom in the universe and even my architect neighbor, who lives in the exact same house, agrees with me and has no idea how to fix it.

    And about shower doors- HATE. But I also thought they were an upgrade. I have this foam thing I put over the rail so I can give the boy a bath without tearing up my arms AND I hate cleaning them AND I want to buy a pretty embroidered shower curtain and I CAN’T.

  9. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa.

    I want it to be known that it was ME that put up your damn toothbrush holder. Andrew just volunteered to help, but never actually did anything.

    And yes, you did get the ‘repelling’ kind of towel holder.

    And do you really use the green stuff for special occasion? Cuz I use it every day… hmm… that’s why my hair looks so thick, shiny, and manageable. And I am refering to my ass hair, of course. I’m getting it permed next Thursday.

  10. I have to say that I loveeeeeeeee having a shower. I could have 4 showers a day, and will, if we ever get out of the drought. Chops however, hates showering and will do anything to avoid it.

    With the glass door – if you have a shower curtain over here, it’s a sure sign you’re pov. So stick with the glass door!

  11. Oh, and what would happen if you NEVER picked up that towel? I can tell you – because I’ve done it. I left it there, and eventually the ex got sick of drying himself with a smelly wet towel and it was motivation to hang it up himself!

  12. It looks like you have to step on the toilet to get into the shower.

    I too think showering is boring. At my old place, I had a boombox I could play on the sink which kept things more interesting, but there’s no outlet in my latest apartment, so it’s back to dull showering.

  13. A) I heart the glass doors we have on my bathtub… whenever I have to shower with a curtain it sticks all over me and I get water everywhere and its just a mess… but do what YOU like most!

    B) I was a total snob at one point and thought lots of $$= good product. Then fell in love with Neutrogena 9$ foam face cleanser (blue bottle) and trader joe shampoo and conditioner (it has a small leaf design on it, clear shampoo bottle, white conditioner bottle). Now, I have crazy-curly-used to be super dry-thin hair….not fun to deal with. I’m starting to believe the hype about using organic/healthy-esque products. The TJ shampoo/conditioner do their job, and cheaply!! And my hair is now calmer, softer, etc.

    So yes, just my long drawn out thoughts on how I do think that using cheap products that don’t have a million things in them do actually work!

  14. My bathroom has stairs in it (two, in fact) and is pirate themed, thanks to my wife.

    I’m ridiculous about razors and shaving implements and tools and soaps and will buy just about anything GQ recommends to me. My area of the bathroom is like a small museum of shaving. I’ve got assorted safety razors and menacing-looking straight razors. I mean, I’ve got a STROP for heaven’s sake. I’ve also got a $185 badger-bristle shaving brush, made from only the finest, white Albanian* badger hair. It’s gotten out of hand.

    * I’m just kidding, of course: I don’t know where the badger was from. Somewhere that doesn’t get too cold, I’m hoping, you know, because of the fact that he, himself, has been shaved to make my brush. Is there an island in Caribbean where they ship all of the shaved badgers? There should be.

  15. Shaving cream: The Body Shop makes a “For Men” shaving cream which is $15 for a big pot of it, last forever because you need the tiniest amount, and makes the skin feel divine. MUCH better than the TJ’s stuff.

    Also, I also have limp-slop hair texture issues and the Trader Joe’s “Essential” shampoo and conditioner brand is just the monkey’s uncle. I take a hint from my sisters who work at a spa and don’t condition every day and then usually just the tips.

  16. I can’t believe no one has mentioned this, but it’s bad, bad, bad (in an extremely germ-y way) to have your toothbrushes so close to the toilet. While they cannot be felt, the tiny drops that spread all over the vicinity of the toilet when it is flushed…well, they are not filled with goodness.

    Best to keep the toothbrushes inside a medicine cabinet, if you have one. Or on top of your dresser in the other room, if need be.

    Or perhaps the badness can be mitigated by closing the toilet lid prior to flushing.

  17. I have to say, I think MY bathroom is TWSB. I will one day take a pic (once I clean it) for you to compare.

    🙂

  18. I find that bathroom to be terribly cute. For the record, though, I really look forward to my showers — it’s where all my insight comes from. I’m just standing under the water, and then, EUREKA! I suddenly understand something I didn’t before. I have no explanation for it other than magic.

    I’d sell my soul for your tankless water heater.

  19. I found your blog by way of a friend… and I love what you have to say!!!

    The greatest shampoo I have ever used was the Caviar line by Alterna. I live in the middle of nowhere and I need to get my butt in gear and order it. It is fanfreakingtastic and of course, expensive as hell. I’ll be using the Google Shopping search to find it cheap. (I knew it was even better than awesome when my gay friends started using it!!!)

    I, too, used to have a small bathroom. It was great for a single person. I HATED my shower curtain. I much prefer a glass door. Sure, the hard water stains are a battle… but that’s one less thing in my house to be cleaned or changed if it ever gets cooties on it.

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