Saucy

Remember my itty bitty tomato plants?

Not so itty bitty anymore, are they?

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Turns out unbeknown to me I planted some kind of crazy heirloom famous for its low yield and late maturation (Brandywine), so god knows if we’ll even get any tomatoes, but the plants themselves seem to be going great gang busters.

Of course I have taken to counting blossoms obsessively and hyperventilating over whether or not these plants of mine are actually going to yield the mountains of tomatoes I desire, because that’s just the kind of crazy I can really get into.  Mr. E has to hold my hand and drag me over to the plants about seven times a day.  Then he turns and leans in and says, very slowly:  “There are TWENTY FIVE PLANTS HERE.  THIS ONE PLANT HERE HAS FORTY FIVE BLOOMS.  WE WILL BE GIVING TOMATOES AWAY UNTIL WE CAN’T GIVE THEM AWAY ANYMORE. PEOPLE WILL RUN FROM US, SCREAMING, WHEN THEY SEE US ON THE STREET.”  And then I look back at him and say “but do you think we’ll have enough tomatoes? I’m nervous.”

And then his head explodes.

I’m thinking maybe I should bring this up in therapy.  When my brain doctor asks me if there’s anything stressful going on, I’ll just say “Wealll, the family wedding is over, but I am a tidge worried I didn’t plant enough tomatoes this summer.” “Oh?” she’ll say.  “Are you in a contest? Some kind tomato growing professional?  In some line of work where you need a lot of red fruit at your disposal?  Did you plant one, or two?”  and then she can just go ahead and scribble an exxxxxtra long note in my file and hit the panic button when she hears that actually I planted twenty five tomato plants and yet I spend quite a bit of my waking day light hours fretting over the lackage of tomatoes in my future.

Gotta worry about something, right?

Luckily for me I think there is almost nothing in the world that can’t be cured by the smell of a tomato plant growing in the dirt and sunshine.  Add a side of SSRI’s and I should be practically sane by fall.

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13 Responses

  1. wow, 25 plants is a lot.
    although so is 5 and i had a very similar conversation with a friend just last night.

    do you have big plans to can?
    if so, share!

  2. Haha! I planted TWO plants that are runty and I’m sad now that it won’t be enough. I’ll eat some of them there tomatoes for you if you do indeed get 25×45 of them.

  3. We will eat them all this September during Escape to Sacramento….make them into a tasty bruschetta topping with olive oil, basil, balsamic vinager and fabulous hierloom tomatoes!!

    I have ONE tomato plant in the backyard and I check on it probably three times a day.

  4. you are my favorite.

  5. I meant to write “comma wacky tomato lady.”

  6. Love it!

  7. That tomato plant smell may be the best smell ever.

  8. I had three tomatoes almost ready to turn and then some horrible beasty attacked them! I was so sad to have to pull them and throw them out. I now have 10 new babies, I hope they make it.

  9. Oh this post is SO funny! You just described me and my tomato obsession perfectly! I’m so glad I’m not the only one – and I think that MAYBE you’ll have enough, but you can never be too sure!

  10. Oh goodness, that smell you mentioned? I love it. I tried to grow a tomato plant on our balcony last summer and it grew and grew and grew so tall, yet it never yielded a tomato. I was so disappointed!

  11. I agree with Mr. E. You’ll have tons of tomatoes! It’s going to be awesome.

  12. I thought we’d gone nuts with 18 tomato plants!

    Some didn’t make it, really… STUPID ROMA TOMATOES… but the heirlooms and mysterious varieties that the farmer ordered seem to be doing well.

    I suggest making and freezing salsa!

  13. “Did you plant one, or two?”—-A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

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