Parental Warning

When we packed for our trip to Antarctica Northern Michigan, we brought all the Netflix movies we had lying around the house because I thought maybe we’d have some down time with my in laws and also I had a moment of temporary insanity or maybe a brain spasm where I imagined I’d bring my lap top and watch Australia on the airplane.  Of course I have a child and the only thing I watched on the airplane were the scintillating public service episodes of Sesame Street that you can download for free – A is for Asthma is totally my favorite.

And then luckily for us when we were in the U.P. every black and white western ever laid down on film aired on television so we had lots of interesting viewing material and we didn’t have to bust out any lengthy Hugh Jackman vehicles to keep ourselves entertained.

But yesterday evening Mr. E attempted to re up some of his hipster cred and went to go see Neko Case in San Francisco.  I feel that it is important that I point out here that I DISCOVERED AND LIKED Neko Case waaaaaay before Mr. E had ever even heard of her so if there were any prizes for coolness at stake here I would win them but it’s not my fault I just don’t really like concerts that much and also I had three episodes of the Real Housewives of New Jersey saved on my DVR so whatever.

Anyway, while Mr. E was out getting his cool on I stayed home and sat in the dark and watched The Wrestler – and while I really enjoyed it despite the tidge of “I am an indie movie so it’s ok for me to not have much of a plot and to have really long scenes that don’t do much just like that movie where Ryan Gosling plays a drug addict AND a teacher” – but my point is (I so do have a point!) – WHEW HOLY GOD AM I GLAD I DID NOT WATCH THAT MOVIE WITH MR. E’S PARENTS! ALSO HELLO MARISA TOMEIS’ TA TAS!

Which is just to say that I am no prude and I think I can handle dirrrrrty movies with the best of them (this is a lie, I am a total prude, and don’t handle dirty movies well at all) but good lord, forget all this Rated R business and PG 13 hoo ha, for my own personal sanity I have decided that certain movies really should just come slapped with a big old warning label that reads “Trust us on this one, don’t watch this with your parents or any other old people you are related to in any way”.   Seriously.

In other news, someone left a sealed bag of Trader Joe’s Kettle Corn on my porch! Should I eat it? I totally want to eat it.

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17 Responses

  1. EAT IT!

  2. First, you so dodged a bullet with Australia. Holy god, that was the longest movie I’ve ever seen and not very good at that. Halfway through, I thought it was over but NOPE an entire new movie began.

    Also, The Wrestler, I wasn’t all that blown away and along with your warning, I’d like a warning that says, “You won’t see this coming, but right in the middle of your Academy-award nominated movie, PEOPLE ARE GOING TO START STAPLING OTHER PEOPLE IN THE HEAD.” Yep, I saw quite a lot more of Marisa Tomei than I ever thought I would. Or wanted to see, for that matter.

  3. Definitely eat it.

    I so agree about the parental warning. There is no point in life (that I have reached so far, at least) in which it ceases to be embarrassing to watch some movies with parents. Never mind that I am in my 30s and am married and have two kids. I somehow transform into a giggling, blushing 14 year old.

  4. I would have died of embarrassment. I can’t even handle watching a movie with a sexual allusion in it in front o fmy parents. I feel about ten years old.

  5. EAT IT!
    (as a side note totally have some Netflix movies lying around here somewhere. I probably should join civilization and finally watch Slumdog Millionaire, huh?)

  6. This is why I’m scared to watch movies with my parents-in-law. What if there were a sex scene? I can’t even imagine the AWK.

  7. My vote is for eating it.

    And as for movies? My mom STILL COVERS MY EYES during the dirty parts of movies. This is the mom that hung up on me when during a phone conversation I alluded to the fact that my husband and I might have intimate relations.

  8. Mmm kettle corn. Can I come over?

    Wanted to watch one of the Oscar noms with the guy who was our best man and his wife, the most G-rated person on the entire planet. Chose The Wrestler over Slumdog and G-rated friend was squealing and gasping and generally crapping her pants the entire time and that’s when I knew to call off the Quest To Be BFF With Best Man’s Wife So We Can All Stay Friends Forever And Ever because GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK.

  9. Oh I was wondering if that awkwardness ever went away. No eh? I never know if I should laugh like I’m in on the joke, in the presence of the ‘rents and I too am frickin married. It reminds me of this story: When I was a kid my mom happened to be friends with one of our teachers. We were discussing the NHL at the dinner table as per the norm and talking about how Pavel Bure was changing his number to 96 and how that was a cool number. So my mom innocently says, hey I think 6 9 would be cooler. Well us kids lost it of course and refused to tell her what that meant. So, SHE ASKED OUR TEACHER, who was her friend, in her defense! And of course our young hip teacher explained everything to her while us children died a thousand deaths. the end! Market that warning woman!

  10. I say eat it & as for The Wrestler- OMG! If I hadn’t already recovered from my postpartum hormones when I watched that, I would have been on the brink I tell you. So depressing! And yes, the ta-tas & hoo-has, not a good one to watch with the in-laws.

  11. You get the prize for coolness (maybe that’s what the kettle corn is?). Neko had me at Blacklisted.

  12. During university I had my wisdom teeth out and went to stay with my parents for a few days. After the tooth removal my mom went to rent movies for all of us to watch – she came home with Love Actually.

    It was not awesome. Holy hell it was awkward.

  13. When I was out running with my dad we came across two ducks having duck sex on the side of the road. Ducks. Going at it. (Yes, it was weird.) My dad made some jokey crack and I wanted to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment. Because anything involving sex and my parents should never exist in the same spacetime plane as I am at that moment. Even if it’s not human sex.

    I think the “Do not watch this movie with your parents!” label would be about 1,000 times more useful than the current system. Oh, you know what, they should add another descriptive phrase to the TV-MA L-S-V etc etc system. Have one that says something like “Awkwardness Potential” and then have grades like “Low,” “Medium,” and “Excruciating.”

  14. The scene: video store in spanish-speaking country with hubby and in-laws. I randomly pick video that appears to have creepy plot, but can’t make out because I DON’T SPEAK SPANISH. At home, hubby and dad-in-law have to leave and mom-in-law offers to watch movie with me. Here’s where I WILLED the ground to open up and swallow me: turns out this sicko movie is about a ghost haunting a guy who she once dated, but she committed suicide after his buddies sexually assault her in a graphic scene that was WAY over the top AND MY MOTHER IN LAW WAS TRANSLATING THE WHOLE MOVIE FOR ME WORD FOR WORD. OH PLEASE CAN I DIE NOW.

  15. I totally agree with your warning label system. A++++++

  16. I agree the awkwardness rating system would be much better served. I avoid T.V./movies with any parent or inlaw when ever I can.

    I love Real Housewives of NJ! And I hope you ate the Kettle Korn!

  17. Wow, these comments are awesome. And yeah, I pretty much refuse to watch ANYTHING besides kids movies with my dad anymore. He gets so squirmy and awkward and makes all these “ahem” noises anytime anything remotely related to sex happens that it’s just not even worth it. We stick to Disney now and pretend that we’re all doing it “for the kids.”

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