Seven Quick Takes

1. Holy suckiness, batman.

2. Tess’s three most recent posts about Jon and Kate and flickers versus flickees have alternately riveted and terrified me.  Seriously, the woman needs a book deal. Or at the very least a professorship or an advice column or something.

3. I was all set to make some elaborate jello flag cake for the Fourth of July, because I do so love patriotic jello.  Then I started mentally adding up the costs of four boxes of jello and two packages of cream cheese and a tub of Cool Whip AND strawberries and blueberries, all for a cake that we probably wouldn’t even finish, and I decided against it.  You see what this recession has stolen from me?  It has stolen my patriotism AND my jello.  That shit’s just not right.

4.  And also, I’m going to have to call shenanigans on this whole raising a child hoo ha, because the system is severely flawed.  One second you’re sprinting across the house as fast as you can to fetch your fat little prince his bottle because he made some random noise that sort of maybe sounded sort of like “bottle” which you’re obviously going to have to call both of set of grandparents about, and the next minute that very same fat little prince is two and half and spends every waking minute screaming “BOTTLE” or “COKE” or “MCDONALDS” or “TORTY” at you and NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO HE WILL NOT SAY PLEASE.  For the love of all that is holy no matter what if I ever have another kid, I will be teaching him or her from moment A that every request on earth is to be bookended at all times with Delightful Mother May I Please How Wonderful And Also Thank You Most Delightful Mother of Wonder and Delight.

5.  I just read The Luxe.  It ruled.  Now I’m sad I’m not reading it.  Lucky for me there are two (about to be three) more books.  The descriptions of the clothes alone thrills my greedy little heart to no end.  I love it when an author describes those sorts of details.  Conversely, it drives me BAT SHIT when an author keeps fun stuff like this to him or herself – if Christmas occurs in a book and we don’t hear what everyone got, the book is pretty well ruined for me.

6.  So in our house if you go to the bathroom in the bobby (potty) you get a wahbeebah (lollipop) ! Isn’t that exciting! Yes, well.  Number of lollipops Senor Pants has received so far = 0.  Number of “messes” I’ve cleaned up off the floor = 4.  I, however, am EXCELLENT at peeing in the bobby.  And I hardly ever poo on the kitchen floor now adays.  I have earned LOTS of lollipops.

7.  I am working on a theory, so just humor me here.  But wouldn’t you agree that if you can ONLY sleep with your stuffed turtle, that no other animals will do, and that sleep will be nothing more than the vaguest of concepts if you don’t have said turtle clutched in your hot little hands, than maybe you shouldn’t throw said stuffed turtle into your large wet play pool every time your mother’s back is turned for three seconds?  Yeah, that’s what I thought too.


9 Responses

  1. I love Tess’s flicker/flickee stuff too. It has me absolutely astounded.

    We’ve had a little problem with potty treats at our house: if the treats are chocolatey (M&Ms, for example), Mommy eats them all; if the treats are fruity (Skittles, for example), Daddy eats them all. We are trying, but apparently there is no type of candy the children like that neither of us likes.

  2. LOVE #s 4 and 7. So true. So totally things my son does too.

  3. #1 totally bites huge ass. Sorry about that. And I have also done the here and back again about the flag cake. Is it worth the pain? I’m not sure… Maybe you should send me your recipe.

  4. Yay for the Luxe!

  5. Sorry about number one…that sucks. As do most great ideas to be all betty homemakerish that involve cream cheese and fresh fuit and just about every other overpriced product in the grocery store. A lot of my last cream chese/oreo crumb/strawberry/whipped topping magnificence went in the trash too.

  6. The divorce stuff scares the crap out of me. It makes me doubt, you know? Even though I have every confidence in the world in Us, what might happen? GAH. Because it DOES! To people I “KNOW”! Shiver.

    Off to reserve The Luxe using The System.

  7. I think Tess should have a book deal too. It makes me wish I were an agent or a publisher so I could snap her up!

  8. Ooo, a PROFESSORSHIP. In the Department of Bad Choices! I will shoot right to tenure track! Heh.

    Thanks man. I really didn’t want anyone to feel freaked out, although several people have. I still totally believe in the Yucky Love Stuff, and all that.

  9. Hmmm. Your #7 theory is intriguing, and yet. And yet. What is the amount of pleasure I get from tossing said turtle into said pool?

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