The Heart Grows Fonder

Besides the fact that I could happily spend the rest of my life going from one fancy hotel to the next, the thing I took away from my little jaunt to Chicago was that I need a break more often.  Erik still has three furlough days every month, although now he gets to take them whenever he wants, and in my best world I’d head out to a hotel by myself somewhere in Sacramento and read books and order room service for a day.  The reality is that I don’t have an extra hundred or so dollars every month, but there’s no reason I can’t go sit in the library for a few hours, or go to a movie or…would it be weird to sit in a hotel lobby by myself with a book?  It seems peaceful.

I feel bad saying this, but the truth is that when I left, I didn’t even LIKE Eli.  Of course I LOVED him as I will always love him even when he burns down the neighbors utility trailer with fireworks or pours root beer all over the table and plays in it or poops in front of a mirror in a kids clothing store, but I was having a really hard time LIKING him, and I spent a lot of time telling myself that it was just three, it was just the age.  And uh, I think it might have been just ME.

Because I got home and I realized all over again how adorable he is, how smart, how funny, how wonderful.  How small and innocent, how mostly incapable of doing too much that is genuinely bad.  He started to seem like a privilege to know, again.  And I want to make sure I don’t lose that too much, again.

When I came back home, it was late at night, my neighbor had stayed with the kids while Erik came to get me, and I knew I shouldn’t go into his room after I got home, but I just couldn’t stop myself, and there was my BABY, so small and sleepy, with a new haircut and wearing pajamas I didn’t put on him.  I should never have been in there, and I woke him up with my snuggling, and so I cuddled up next to him and rubbed his back while he talked to me, when he should have been falling back asleep, and he talked and talked and talked, and I tried not to laugh as I said “Um, yes?” to an endless stream of jabber.  I wish I could remember more of it, but I do know at one point he said “Mom, I am going to learn to sleep while I talk.” and that’s when I really knew how lucky I was to be this kids mom, how crazy I am about him.  I hope I can do a better job of remembering it, from now on.

 

 

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10 Responses

  1. Beautifully written, as always. And I completely agree with your sentiments- it’s hard to remember to appreciate the little ones and enjoy them when they’re driving you insane. Breaks are good for mommies!

  2. I’m mostly just a lurker but this was such a good reminder for me. I’ve been getting so frustrated with my 2 year old for being…a 2 year old. Glad you had a sweet moment with him when you got home.

  3. These toddler years are frightening and frustrating. Mine is almost three and our battles have been epic but it’s nice to remember that they are becoming little people too, and while that’s why they are being so frustrating it’s what makes them amazing too. Sometimes it’s just hard to remember.

  4. I’ve found that after every season of not liking one of my children, I fall head-over-heels for them, again and again, year after year. I think the not liking seasons happen so the falling in love seasons can happen too.

    But yes, more breaks would help me out, too.

  5. Awwww…. so precious. Agreed.

  6. I have no insight to offer on the kid front, OBVS, but I will say that sitting in the lobby with a book is one of my absolutely favorite things to do whenever I stay in a hotel. I think it’s totally legit!

  7. Pumpkin spice latte + bookstore or coffee shop + book = bliss. No hotel required; hours-long visits acceptable. Half-days acceptable. Whole days acceptable. You do have to go to the counter yourself to get the coffee. (I have also enjoyed this w/o the book, just BEING)

  8. I have a sitter twice a week in the mornings…sometimes I run errands, but sometimes I go to the bookstore, get a giant stack of magazines and a tasty beverage and pastry, and read for a few hours. I feel much more refreshed on the bookstore days than I do on the errands days.

  9. My morning runs are my saving grace… I get up before the kidlet, so at least the hubs is available if anything should happen, and meet up before the dawn with a running club. Once a month, I go to Starbucks afterward and have their dark cherry yogurt with granola. It’s super nice to not share every other bite. It’s just nice to have adult camaraderie and conversation without the stress of getting dressed up or spending any sort of money on a lunch or something.

    I have been known to sneak into a book store as well from time to time when I have someone watching him for me.

  10. We don’t have kids, but we need breaks from each other. At least a few times a year, one of us will travel while the other stays home. Even when we’re traveling together, we schedule some time to just do things on our own. It really makes us appreciate each other more. It’s those moments when we’re saying goodbye, all sad and sappy, that remind me that hey, I kinda really love this person.
    Glad you have a good trip!
    xo

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