Yes, we “do Santa” at our house. Mainly because the idea of not doing Santa sounds really tiring. There seems to be a lot of explaining involved in not doing Santa. And also honestly it just never really occurred to me.
I have great respect for people who have thought this thing out enough to have a stance on Santa, especially when it’s because they plan never lie to their kids. I’m just kind of winging this parenting thing over here, and also? I lie my ass off to my kids! I totally do! I lie to them on an hourly basis, basically. Just this morning I told them that the inside of McDonald’s was closed for the winter and we HAD to go through the drive through. You can feel free to sit inside at McDonald’s whenever you want. I’ll be over here in the drive through, lying my ass off as usual! And also eating fries.
Also, I will just say this. I wouldn’t say I had the best childhood, although I certainly did not have the worst. But before the divorce and the yelling and the going to court and that wondrous moment when my father told me, at ten years old, that childhood was a myth perpetrated by the liberal media, I can honestly tell you that coming downstairs on Christmas morning to a metric ton of presents and having it come from a fat man in red suit who demanded nothing more than my childhood belief was one of the very best parts of my whole growing up. It was, in fact, so unbelievably purely great that finding out that Santa wasn’t real doesn’t touch it at all. At least for me.
Furthermore, not to start a religious feud or whatever, (let’s talk about breastfeeding next!) but I grew up in a very religious household and Santa didn’t diminish the reverence of the season at all. When I stood in that church at midnight and breathed in that incense and thought about a teenage Mary giving birth to the Son of God, with all the wonder that entails, Santa wasn’t the smallest part of that. Kids are smart. I fully believe they can do Jesus and Santa, no problem, with no diminishing of either one. Just saying.
I don’t care if you do Santa, but we are big liars who love stuff, so there you go.
This morning we wrote a letter to Santa. In order to get my beloved child to quit watching Shaun the Sheep for the ten thousandth time and come do this magical activity with me, I had to bribe him by telling him that we could use permanent markers. You’re probably over there thinking that I should just tell him calmly that tv time is over and that it’s time to do something else, in which case you have a way higher opinion of my parenting skills than you should. Threats and bribes, people, threats and bribes, that’s all we’ve got going on over here. Oh, and the lying! Don’t forget the lying.
Luckily to a four year old a permanent marker is like crack cocaine, so Eli was all about this activity.
I believe the annual Letter to Santa is traditionally where the child comes up with 14 gift ideas that he has never mentioned before, mere minutes after his parents have finished purchasing the last of the other things he has been requesting during the months of January through November. Luckily Eli’s saving that up for our official visit to Santa, and he asked for a bike (yes! purchased!), Hot Wheels tracks (check!) and a surprise (check!). I also reminded him to ask for a typing machine because I didn’t fend off all those hipsters on Ebay for nothing.
Here he is after I told him to smile for the camera and pretend to be working on his list for Santa. He’s just so photogenic, you guys. I think it’s time I start entering some kid photo contests. (That’s a chocolate milk mustache, btw.)
Then he said “Take a picture of this!” and thus concluded our Advent Activity.
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