Erik, Don’t Read This: What’s In Our Stockings This Year

No, really, don’t read this, lovely husband of mine, unless you want to know everything that Santa is bringing you this year.

At the risk of sounding like a metric dillhole, I do think I…can one say “stuff a quality stocking” without sounding sort of pervy? I feel like any mention of stuffing anything is sort of ridiculous. Whatever. This is what I am putting in everyone’s stockings this year, I thought I’d share since it seems like people are always looking for ideas and so far I have not  been impressed by the suggestions that I’ve been receiving this year. No one wants a felt mustache, Cost Plus. At least no one in my family.

For Eli: Santa is also bringing him a basketball hoop and a soccer goal, but this is what’s going in his stocking:

Bandaids, because my kids don’t really care about stickers but bandaids are like gold dubloons to them. They are bandaid fanatics. Lucky for me I love picking up bandaid wrappers from all over my house. Six red peppers and three bottles of hand sanitizer, since that’s what he asked Santa for in his letter. Binoculars (that were not $34.99 at the time I bought them, Amazon is doing that thing where they try to screw you because those binoculars are sold out everywhere else). A little notebook from Target so he can write down all his mother’s infractions, Body Wash from Bath and Body works, a bar of soap from Origins (he loves soap and I had a random $10 off coupon), a Transformer that was on super sale on Amazon, a pack of Uno cards, Junior Mad Libs, Play Doh, bath bombs, one of those electric whirly lollipops from the Target check out aisle that I will never let him get, pencils, and washi tape.  I also just realized I have NO idea where the binoculars are. Hmmm. Did I ever get them? Probably should figure that out.

Once again, this is basically just stuff that I used to wrap up and put under the tree and now I just put it in a stocking. Since we open family presents on Christmas Eve, it really helps break the gifts up. Divide and conquer, remember?

Katie is getting a giant elephant that came from Costco since all she ever asks for is an elephant, but then she is also getting, in her stocking:

Body Shop body wash (they were having a sale), Hello Kitty Socks, binoculars, stacking cups, hair detangler, russian nesting dolls, tub letters, and a zylophone.  She isn’t really going to know what’s going on anyway, so you know, it’s not a super lot of stuff but it will be fine.

Grown ups don’t really get big presents from Santa, but they do get stockings. Erik is getting:

Vodka, a new wool hat from Target, a commuter mug (exciting! Santa is a party animal), an Itunes gift card, some robot playing cards, Gap boxer briefs, some Lemon Yuzu cocktail mix from Williams-Sonoma, more Body Shop Body Wash (they had a buy two get two free sale,ok?) and a bag of whatever candy I remember to throw in my cart at Target. (Now that is a stocking!). I wish I could think of one more thing but nothing is coming to mind and I don’t want to buy the man random crap. Anyone have a book to recommend or something?

Yes, I do my own stocking. (See, terrible, right?). And yes, I like it that way. God. Anyway, this year my stocking will contain: some new Essie nail polish (in “She’s Pampered”), Body Shop Satsuma Body Mist (yes, I am 12), a Pink CD (God, I SO AM 12!), that Gap striped scarf I keep buying for everyone, some Target thank you notes, a Fresh Sugar Mini Lip Trio, and a day planner.

Now I just have to find those stupid binoculars and shazam! Christmas is here.


6 Responses

  1. I don’t know if your husband ever does the beard thang, but mine has to grow a beard (and keep it!) for the next couple months or more, so he’s getting this in his stocking:

  2. Does Mr. E have a favorite magazine? Those are always fun stocking stuff(heh)ers.

  3. Satsuma is the best scent in the universe, 12 or not! Also, how large are your stockings exactly? Are they the Mary Poppins kind that have no bottoms? Because a tenth of that would fit into ours 🙂

  4. If I could find a travel mug that didn’t leak, I would be all over that in my stocking. Actually, we don’t have stockings, but whatever. I kind of (sort of desperately) want the new Taylor Swift CD, but I’m embarrassed to tell anyone about so I won’t get it for Christmas and I’ll be mildly bummed and then I’ll sneak it in the budget somehow for January by probably not eating lunch for two or three days but blissfully singing songs whose intended audience is 1/3 my age.

  5. this lego calendar is going in more than one stocking in my house:

    it’s insanely cheaper on the lego web site, I just happen to have amazon open and am lazy

  6. Your stockings really do sound amazing.

    I loved every word of this post (as I love all your posts), but my favorite part(s) of this one were the body wash mentions.

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