What I Wore Last Week: It’s This or the Closet

I was writing this post on Friday when the world shifted under me, and you, and everyone in it.

I thought for awhile that maybe I’d never publish it, like how I was eating ribbon candy when my parents told me they were getting divorced and I’ve never eaten ribbon candy again.

I have written a different post in my head about a thousand times, but it’s always about things I am doing to make myself feel better, and I am not at all certain that making myself feel better is the point. I don’t really think I should feel better. I don’t really think I am the point here.

However. I just want to say this.

This is the first school shooting that has occurred when I have had a child in school. A child very very close in age to the children who were murdered. And my first instinct was to go get my child. My first instinct was never to return him to school. My first instinct was to keep him right under my mama wing where I could grab his little chin and tell him how much I loved him a thousand times a day, where no one could hurt him, where I could keep him as safe as I knew how, where if anything ever happened to him, he’d hear my voice last of anything in this world.

What struck me the  most of everything I’ve read, though, is something A’Dell wrote over the weekend.  I can be brave for my children, I can send them out into a world where anyone who REALLY wanted to could harm them irreparably, where there’s nothing I can do to stop this, I can trust in his teachers and a God I barely believe in, or I can sit in a closet with rations.  Those are awful choices, but they are the only ones I can figure out.

And so for my children, I choose not fear. I choose brave.  I marched into that school with a smile on my face this morning and I did stop an extra beat when I hugged Eli goodbye and when I grabbed his little chin and stared into his face and memorized it again for the millionth time and when I said “I love you so so so much”, but I did not cry. I will not live in fear. I will not turn school into a scary place for my child, not when he’s five year old, not when he doesn’t know that there’s something to be afraid of, just being in school. I won’t do that. I won’t let anyone do that to him.

And so, here’s some unimportant words about my pants, not because it’s going to make anyone feel better, but because it’s this, or the closet, and I have to be honest with you, our rations are really nothing to write home about around here.  And so, we live life, as bravely as we can.

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{Gap Outlet Sweater, Old Navy scarf, Loft Curvy Super Skinny Corduroys, Bandolino Boots}

The search for the perfect pair of orangey red skinny cords has ended! You can breathe a sigh of relief. I tried a pair from Target but they weren’t great, and I am now forcing myself to search for great instead of settling for meh.  I tried a pair at the Gap but they were oddly sized (so tiny!) and they felt really cheap and thin.  These from Loft are GREAT.  Not that weird thick corduroy, just super soft, they fit me perfectly, they are actually skinny AND the petites are the perfect length on me.  (These are a size 12P and I am almost 5′ 2″.)  And they are SO comfortable. Plus I love that they are a little more red than orange because it means I can wear black with them. Black plus orange is on my no fly list.  I am seriously thinking of switching my pants allegiance from the Gap to Loft despite their exorbitant shipping fees. We’ll see how these pants wear.

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{Target jacket, Gap Bowery Super Soft Crew, Old Navy Scarf, AE High Rise Super Skinny Jeans, Bandolino boots}

This was my favorite thing I wore all week.  I had been eyeing this jacket for months and then it went on 30% clearance, and I tried to wait until it went on 50% clearance, but they are sized SUPER small and this was the only XL left so I bought it. I seriously could not love this outfit more.  It makes me feel like a million bucks whenever I wear it.

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{Kohls Ponte sheath dress, Old Navy scarf, Old Navy leggings, Frye boots}

I finally found a crew necked black stretchy sheath dress I can throw on at a moment’s notice! This dress was a suggestion over on my Style Lush blog post seeking black dresses, and although I am normally somewhat skeptical of Kohl’s, I had a coupon and I was desperate. This dress looks great, the quality maybe isn’t the best, but it does what it does.  I really think it’s very flattering and tremendously useful because the stuff you can pair with it is endless,  basically.

I do need to get some more scarves and some more boots into the line up, but they’re all under the Christmas tree.

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{Gap coat, Old Navy leggings, Kohls dress, Old Navy scarf, Frye boots}

This is just what I wore over the dress above.

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{Ralph Lauren sweater, American Eagle High Rise Super Skinny Jeans, Bandolino boots, Gap Crew Neck Tee}

I have always loved a good military style sweater, and I always will.

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{Banana Republic Sweater, Blogger Cliche Necklace, AE High Rise Super Skinny Jeans, Bandolino boots}

There are a very few things left on the “need for winter list”…black riding boots, an ivory sweater, a sweater dress, a few dresses.  A stripey sweater was one of the last things left on the list, so cross that off!

I will say, they may not be pushing fashion boundaries over there, but Banana Republic can really make a sweater. I have BR sweaters I have owned for going on ten years now that look practically new, and I am hard on my clothes.  I’d recommend one BR sweater over two sweaters from Old Navy any day of the week.  But wait for a 40% off coupon, whatever you do.

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8 Responses

  1. I have two kids in school now, two little kids away from me for hours every day, and I had exactly the same thought process re: “there are really only two choices: just keep soldiering on, or hiding everyone in my house and becoming a paranoid nut.” But you put it much more eloquently than I ever could have. Thanks.

  2. “Blogger Cliche Necklace” made me cackle.

    • Loved that one, too!

      Which color Loft corduroys are you wearing? Because I love that color you have, but looking at the site’s options, I don’t see one that matches. I guess it could be my computer’s color settings, but I thought I’d check.

  3. I love your thoughts – this or the closet. You’re a smart one. Also the fact that I own that chevron blue and yellow scarf in your yellow jacket picture? I OWN something YOU think is cool? I feel like I have MADE IT. Or something. Anyway yay for that. Yay for a normal post in my google reader. (Thank you, truly.)

  4. I have that Target jacket in green, and it’s great!

    Also, I am in love with that BR striped sweater. It looks terrific on you and terrific with that necklace.

  5. Love all the outfits this week! I really enjoy these posts. They give me ideas and it has been fun to see your style evolve. You are looking more and more stylish as time goes on :).

  6. I just bought those same pants last week. (I also got the burgundy color, which I am finding is hard to wear, for some reason. Gray just doesn’t work as well with it as it does with the orangey-red, navy is all wrong, and black seems to be too much. So what I am saying is that maybe I should just return them.) I wear that same BR sweater all the time.

    Clearly I need to get myself to Kohl’s, buy that dress, and dig up that Target jacket so I can just completely copy your closet.

  7. Confession: I skip your posts about what you wore and what you read. Is that mean? I live in Australia and am running the opposite season to you and I am a super slow reader and am working through a mammoth good reads list.
    But these blog posts where you share you heart, these are why I read. I never fail to get something from them. So thank you.

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