What I Wore: Now With More Dry Heaving

Well, things went downhill after that last post.  Then they improved.  Then they got worse.

I have all these pictures of what I wore, but it was so bad I have a hard time looking at them.  I think I’m just gonna do it. Tear the band aid off.

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{Target sweater dress, Handmade scarf, Old Navy Leggings, Dr. Martin Diza Boots}

This was the day it all started to go bad. That’s what I love about this dress though – looks great, feels like pajamas. It has a cowl neck but with the scarf over it you couldn’t see it, so I like that you can do that and get another look out of this dress.

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{Target cardigan, Gap scarf, Loft Leggings, Uggs}

This is my version of pajamas. Katie actually IS wearing pajamas, which she continued to wear all day. This was…not the best day of my life.

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{Banana Republic Dress, Tights I Think I Bought With a Free Groupon, Bandolino Cabeza Boots}

I literally can’t remember this day.  I think I would like to buy one more t shirt style dress this summer. I have this one and the green and white striped one from the Gap, and I am a big fan.

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{J. Crew Tee, Old Navy skirt (thrifted), Franco Sarto wedges}

Two Adults told me to buy this tshirt on Twitter. It’s so pretty! Love. I do so enjoy a fancy t shirt. I think I paid $12.50 for it. Score! (This is a Large and has been folded under at the bottom.)

This is the day I thought I was getting better, which is maybe the most crappy part of this whole deal – the unpredictability makes you insane, literally.

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{J. Crew cardigan, Gap Scarf, Anthro skirt (thrifted), J. Crew wedges}

I really love that I can wear this cardigan with skirts. After I bought it I was worried because it’s so short, but it works with skirts.

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{Ross Tee, AE Hi Rise Super Skinnies, Toms Wedges (similar)}

I wore this to Target and I was so confused when people kept asking me questions about where to find things. Although sadly I am actually probably a pretty good person to ask where things are in Target.

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{Gap Tee, Handmade scarf, AE Hi Rise Super Skinnies, Ugg Boots}

This was a BAD day. A bad one. It may have been the day I had my total mental breakdown on Twitter. Not one of my finer moments.

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{Banana Republic Sweater, Scarf made by Manda, Gap skirt (via Ebay), Old Navy Leggings, Bandolino Cabeza Boots}

I think this was the worst day. I can’t believe I’m wearing a skirt. I’m pretty sure I changed into pajamas the second I got home from Kindergarten pick up.

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{Target cardigan, Old Navy tank (petite length) as rec’d by I Heart Chocolate Cake, Target sandals, Target scarf, Essie “Beach Bum” toenails}

This is today. Woosh, I look pale. I love these sandals a ridiculous amount. Last year I looked ALL OVER for a pair of flat sandals with a wide section ACROSS the toes.  This year there are at least five pairs on the sandal wall at Target alone.  Now technically I did not NEED another pair of gold sandals, but these were love at first sight. If a pair of shoes makes you gasp out loud and only costs $16, that’s a win in my book.

I love this outfit because it looks neat and cute and put together, it’s not trying too hard, it almost all came from Target, and it’s comfortable and affordable but also looks nice, and the scarf makes it look more put together than just a tee shirt over cropped jeans.

(The reason I am even standing and dressed in any of these pictures is because the nature of whatever the hell this is that I have is that it gets worse as the day goes on. I wake up, have 20 minutes of white knuckle anxiety, have some extremely unpleasant time in the bathroom, feel slightly better, shower, get dressed, get through the day, and then collapse into bed when Mr. E gets home.)

Last night was a little better though! I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I think.

And I found a doctor who listened to me and believed me and who said all the right things and I feel SO MUCH BETTER just having someone agree with me. It was wonderful.  And he said that all the Zofran I was prescribed was a really bad idea and gave me something else. I am wondering if that’s the reason it was taking me SO LONG to get better.  When he said the words “I can’t believe Paxil is legal. I have never prescribed it, and I never will. No one should prescribe it, ever. ” I said about ten thousand thank you prayers straight to God.

I am a little mad at myself that I did not go to the doctor earlier, but I am also proud of myself for going when I was so nervous about it and I was SURE it would be awful. However, if you are going through something like this, learn from my mistake and go to the doctor early on. (This is not my psychiatrist. We broke up. This is my new Primary Care Physician. He is my new favorite person.)

I have a secondary virus (BECAUSE OF COURSE) which is why I have terrible headaches and a terrible sore throat, but Sudafed seems to be working pretty well on that.  And the sun is shining.

And the internet gave me a present! Did you know that? It is astonishing how wonderful the world can be.  Anyway, they gave me A LARGE gift certificate and I seriously cried in disbelief at how nice that was. I certainly have done nothing to deserve it and people are wonderful anyway. Just so nice.  If you ever wonder if this internet is a good place, just come sit by me and I will tell you a story and you will know that it is.

I am excited to go shopping but I want to buy something GOOD.  Pants seems so inadequate to the wonderfulness of such a gift. Seriously, I am just so humbled and grateful and astonished. One of the nicest things ever, during one of the worst times ever.

This is the quote that got me through this, although perhaps it is not meant to be inspirational, it got me through anyway. I am determined to come through this not only in one piece, but STRONGER than ever.

I think I have forgotten how to eat.  Loss of appetite is such a weird thing. In this world where everyone tells us to be SKINNY it seems like a gift, but it becomes torture. It’s actually not good for you to never eat.  And when you have to force yourself to do it because you NEED to eat but you don’t have any desire to do so and eating is WORK? It’s pretty awful. Eating should be a JOY, not an exercise in revulsion. Sigh.

When I start blow drying my hair again and I want to eat something other than Lean Pockets, you’ll know I’m back.

In the meantime, thanks for hanging in with me. I couldn’t have done it without you.

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15 Responses

  1. I really like your outfits and I feel like you dress really well. I hope that you feel better soon.

  2. Honestly, I don’t know if this is weird, given that your situation is entirely different, but this post is giving me a lot of hope for if I get pregnant this year (we haven’t decided yet) and have to go through that whole not-legit-hyperemesis-but-still-the-worst-months-of-my-life thing for another four or five months. It’s possible to do that AND look cute! Also, what you said about eating: RIGHT ON.

  3. Oh Elizabeth! I am so so sorry how badly the evil drug is still affecting you. How you have managed to get dressed at all much less manage to look cute and pulled together is a wonder to me. Your style is continuing to be an inspiration to me, and now your strength and determination are inspiring me as well. I sincerely hope you make a permanent upswing soon.

  4. I am so pissed at the pharmaceutical company that made Paxil. Like, SHAKING WITH RAGE. How can that be permitted? HOW? We live in a country that should be able to regulate shit like that, you know?

    I am so glad you see light at the end of the tunnel and I am so so so sorry that you’ve been going through this. ❤

    PS: You look more put together when sick than I do normally, dude.

  5. You know in “Steel Magnolias” towards the end after the funeral, when Dolly Parton says to Sally Fields something like “I don’t know how you’re doing on the inside but your hair is holding up beautifully”? Well, I actually do sort of know how you’re doing on the inside but from these pictures you’d never know it. Being able to put together an actual outfit when I’m in the hole (or practically any day, really) is way beyond me so you’re my hero 🙂

    • That seems like the perfect quote to me too. It is so sad that you have to feel so horrible before you can feel better. Glad you sought out a new dr. Hope next week is the start of feeling great!
      Your outfits are really cute (so is your daughter in that photo!). You are the reason I have now purchased and worn two cute scarves.

  6. Also, I love those sparkly sandals! Must hit the target soon.

  7. I need to come into some serious money so I can just hire you to be my personal stylist. These outfits are all so great!

    I’m glad there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and that you found a good doctor who listens! xoxoxo

  8. I am so glad you found that doctor and that he gave you those words of encouragement and validation.

  9. I’m so sorry all this is happening, but yay for a good new doctor! That’s SO key, and should be a very good thing. (And how do you look so put together under the circs? Impressive.)

  10. You got dressed? And took photos? And look fabulous????? Kudos to you for not giving up or giving in (as I would have, I think)! Hope the worst is behind you.

  11. Hey Mama, it was years ago that I was on Paxil. (I was put on it after having seizures on Wellbutrin) I became suicidal and agoraphobic. It was absolutely the worst part of my life. My oh so awesome doc told me something was really wrong with me and how I must not be trying hard to get better. After weaning off of it (because I needed to go on the super-new drug) I felt like a brick was lifted off my head. It got so much better! Hang in there and know that that sh*t is seriously messed up, it’s not you!

  12. You don’t have to DO anything to deserve the kindness, love and support of other people. That’s really what community is about, no matter over the internet or someone that lives across the street. I truly believe this. I’m SO glad that so many came to support and give you a little breath and something to look forward to!

    Also? You look AMAZING in that red tee and the jean crops! That was my FAVOURITE! Beautiful!

  13. You are a trooper. I love this quote from a book I’m reading… “Do what you got to do. Stay fly.”
    Stay fly.

  14. So happy you found a doctor that listened to you! And told you what you needed to hear!

    Also, your ability to look cute every day is awesome. Very impressive. Hang in there!

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